Office Too Far Comic Strips - Page 15
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Dilbert: I'd like to work from home so I can be more productive. Boss: I can't manage you as easily when you're out of the office. Dilbert: That's why I'd be more productive. Boss: But you'd be missing out on all of this.
Boss: Our CEO is coming for an office visit tomorrow. I need you to tidy up your cubicle and hide in the bathroom when he visits. Wally: Won't he wonder where everyone is? Boss: No, this is more of a "you" thing.
boss: i can't approve your budget because you didn't follow the seventeen-step workflow procedure. dilbert: it is not humanly possible to follow the company workflow procedure and also accomplish anything useful. boss: would it help if i add a few steps? dilbert: yes, if you have to go back to your office to do it.
male office worker: can you help me with something? dilbert: no, our employee compensation system incentivizes me to let you fail so i can lay claim to a larger share of our limited budget for raises. maybe you could ask someone who is less aware. office worker: none of them are smart enough to help.
dilbert: our ceo will be visiting the office tomorrow, so act busy. and don't look directly at him because i don't want him to see how dead your eyes look. dilbert: can we ask him questions? boss: no, nothing good can come from that.
Dogbert's tech support female office worker: i can't figure out how to use your product. dogbert: the problem is climate change. there is nothing you can do. office worker: there must be something i can do. dogbert's voice from phone: do you recycle?
office worker: what's the b.r.a. on that? dilbert: jus? office worker: you look dumb in front of everyone for not knowing b.r.a. stands for business risk assessment. we'll probably mock you behind your back. dilbert talking to the boss: i don't think your teamwork exercises are working.
eco: i've decided to give up my private office and work from a cubicle so employees will respect me more. my cubicle will be 1,000 square feet, with a ceiling. dilbert: that's called an office. eco: nothing pleases you common folk.
office worker: hi, i'm ... dilbert holding up stop hand: hold on. my facial recognition app has identified you and is now showing me your social media history. office worker: uh-oh. dilbert: it seems it would be unwise for me to touch your hand.
office worker: i still live with my parents because i can't find a job that matches my passion. dilbert: what is your passion? office worker: i collect porcelain frogs. dilbert: that isn't a career. office worker: how is that my fault?