Boss: I can't give you a bonus this year because we paid too much to buy another company.
Dilbert: Are you saying my efforts and my rewards are no longer linked?
Boss: Noooo. I'm not saying anything like that. I'm just saying your compensation isn't influenced by your performance.
Dilbert: That's the same thing!
Boss: Teamwork means we all share the rewards and we all have to share the pain.
Dilbert: Does that mean management won't be getting bonuses either?
Boss: Now you've made it awkward.
boss and dilbert on video call.
dilbert: is it okay if i take next week off?
boss: are you kidding? we're in the most critical month of the system migration. you're essential to our succcess. all hands must be on deck.
dilbert: really? it seems as if all i do is listen to other people say useless stuff on zoom calls.
boss: my goodness, no! employees are our most valuable asset! we can't succeed unless we have 100% employee engagement.
dilbert: i took all of last week off for vacation, and no one noticed.
boss: next time, start with that.