Snap You Into Next Week Comic Strips - Page 15

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Snap You Into Next Week

View 141 - 150 results for snap you into next week comic strips. Discover the best "Snap You Into Next Week" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #special powers, #angel, #Dogbert, #snap of paw, #what people want, #instinctive, #boobs on man, #aim sticks

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert asks, "Are you saying that you're an angel now? And you have special powers to help people." Dilbert replies, "Exactly. I instinctively know what people want and I can give it to them with a snap of the paw." Dogbert snaps in the direction of the waitress. Dilbert asks, "Are you having any trouble controlling it?" Dogbert says, "My aim stinks." Behind them, a waiter looks shocked to see that he suddenly has large breasts. The waitress looks angry.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #accomplishment, #this week, #agent of change, #foster and reward, #culture, #team work, #slightly cynical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Wally and the Boss sit at a conference table. Wally says, "My accomplishment this week is that I've become an agent of change." Wally continues, "I foster and reward those behaviors that contribute to a culture of teamwork." Dilbert says, "I've become slightly more cynical." Wally pats Dilbert on the shoulder and says, "Keep up the good work, buddy."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ratbert, #consulting partner, #jobs outsiurced, #stooped over, #very bad ergo nomics

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands on a desk next to Ratbert, who is bending over. Dogbert points to Ratbert and says, "My consulting partner, Ratbert, will demonstrate how to inform employees that their jobs will be outsourced." As he kicks Ratbert off the desk and into a trash can, Dogbert says, "You're history. Scram." The Boss asks, "How do I get them all stooped over?" Dogbert replies, "I recommend a program of very bad ergonomics."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #critical system, #all the power, #essential upgardes, #simple fool, #next emplyee, #vendor issues, #compatibility

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands on a desk and says to Wally, "It's funny - before your company bought that critical system from me, YOU had all the power . . ." Dogbert yells, "But now, only I can provide essential upgrades!! I call the shots, you simple fool!!" Dogbert says, "Send in the next employee." Outside the cubicle Dilbert and another employee are standing in line holding numbers. The man says, "At least we don't have any multi-vendor compatibility issues."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #'bring your dog to work day, #Dogbert, #no such thing, #through firewall

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands at Dilbert's desk and Dilbert sits next to him. Alice asks, "Hey, what's Dogbert doing here?" Dilbert replies, "This is 'Bring Your Dog to Work Day.'" Alice says, "There's no such thing." Dogbert works at the desk and says, "I'm through the security firewall and into the personnel records." Dilbert looks angry and says, "We need to talk."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #hospital, #directions, #drive, #driving, #car, #automobile, #lying, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert walks on the sidewalk. A man in a car pulls up next to him and asks, "Hey dog! What's the quickest way to go to the hospital?" Dogbert replies, "Drive as fast as you can into that tree." The driver asks, "What's the second quickest way?" Dogbert replies, "Hmm . . . Well, go left, then right, right, left, left, left, right, left, left." The says, "Thanks!" as he drives away. Dogbert thinks, "Actually, I have no idea how to get to the hospital . . ." Dogbert thinks, "But I didn't want him to think I'm a jerk."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #asteroid, #Dogbert, #death, #space, #evil, #golf ball, #dooms day

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands at a desk and Dogbert sits next to a telescope. Dilbert says, "According to my calculations, the asteroid 'Sagnorpt' will collide with earth in 2.3 minutes." Dogbert covers his eyes and screams, "We're all gonna die!" Dogbert hugs Dilbert's legs and shouts, "I'm sorry about all of those bad things I've done to you!" Dogbert cries, "I renounce my evil ways! I dedicate the remaining minute of my life to the poor!!" Dogbert says, "Waitta minute . . . Why aren't you groveling for salvation?" Dilbert replies, "The asteroid is only the size of a golf ball." There's a large crash. Dilbert lies on the floor after the asteroid hits him on the head. Dogbert says, "I probably shouldn't try to read too much into this."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #energy, #electricity, #ring, #rechargeable, #battery, #throwing, #burned

View Transcript

Transcript

The strip is titled, "How to get free energy." Dilbert faces the reader and says, "The world is full of free energy, if you know where to look." Dilbert continues, "For example, the phone company sends extra electricity to make your phone ring." Dilbert connects a telephone to a large battery. He continues, "You can plug your phone line into a rechargeable battery . . ." Dilbert continues, "Then give suckers a reason to call." Dilbert hangs a poster on a telephone pole. The sign says, "Free money? Call." Dilbert stands in front of a full mailbox. He asks, "And what about junk mail? Are you just throwing it away?" Dilbert asks, "Do you know it can be burned to heat your house?" Dilbert shovels junk mail into a furnace. Dilbert stands at a table and says, "New week I'll tell you how to get electricity from your houseguests." A box of sneezing pepper and a fan connected to a battery sit on the table.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #neighbor, #loud, #obnoxious, #again, #electrionic, #systems, #computer, #telephone, #stereo, #garage, #door, #theromostat, #science, #glass, #neighborhood, #immediately

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk with Dogbert. Dogbert says, "Our neighbor is being loud and obnoxious again." Loud music plays next door and someone shouts, "Party!!" Dilbert replies, "Not for long. I'm going to override his home electronic systems with my computer." Dilbert continues, "I can control his television, microwave, telephone, stereo, garage door and thermostat." Dilbert appears in the neighbor's tv and says, "Attention! Attention! Obnoxious neighbor!!" Dilbert says into a microphone, "I am Dilbert. I have control over your life-support systems." Dilbert continues, "I will cut off your heat, entertainment and cooking appliances . . ." Dilbert continues, "Unless you pack up and leave the neighborhood immediately." Dogbert shouts, "He's trying to enroll in a computer science class!" Dilbert says, "The fool! It's much too late for that."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #dollars, #inventing, #secret, #better, #classify, #send, #space, #stuff, #kill, #smoking, #drugs, #open-minded

View Transcript

Transcript

The strip is titled, "Dogbert's guide to your tax dollars." A vacuum cleaner sucks up dollar bills. Dogbert says, "Did you ever wonder how all that tax money gets spent? Roll the tape." The caption says, "Inventing secret things." Two scientists look at a device. One of them says, "It doesn't look like much, but it'll smart like crazy if you sit on it." The caption says, "Sending secret things into space." The other scientist says, "Maybe we'd better classify it secret and send it into space with the other stuff." The caption says, "Education." A teacher says, "Sex will kill you, food will kill you, smoking will kill you, alcohol will kill you, drugs will kill you . . ." The children sitting at their school desks look frightened. The caption says, "Art grants for things you aren't open-minded enough to appreciate." Dilbert looks at a shoe sitting on a pedestal. The artist says, "I call it 'The Bug I Hated.'" The caption says, "Advanced health care." Two doctors stand next to a bed where a skeleton lies. One physician says, "You were right, Benson. X-rays and microwaves are not the same thing." The caption says, "Paying Congress." A senator says, "Our raises came through!" Another says, "I think I'll send myself a thank-you note!"