Social Media App Comic Strips - Page 15
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CEO: The media is saying I'm overpaid compared to other CEOs. That's crazy. Do a benchmark study of executive pay, including the Sultan of Brunei, Larry Ellison, and God. Make sure my pay ends up somewhere in the middle so it doesn't look suspicious.
Coworker: Are you married? Wally: I don't have a wife, but I do have wifi. I find that it meets all of my social and intellectual needs. Coworker: Do you miss the warmth of human contact? Wally: Never tried it. Sounds problematic.
Dilbert: Hi. I'm an engineer. That means I have excellent employment potential and I can fix things around the house. Woman: How are your social skills? Dilbert: Wow. Look who wants the moon.
Tina: Do you ever feel embarrassed that you dress the same way every day? Dilbert: No. Do you ever feel embarrassed that you don't understand the importance of routine in managing your limited reserve of willpower? Tina: I made 75 fashion decisions before breakfast. Dilbert: I wrote an app.
Dilbert: I have to warn you that I'll be going deep on a technology problem today. I'll be using the executive attention network of my brain at the expense of my social awareness. Boss: Sounds like a radical change. Dilbert: I can't tell if that was sarcasm.
Wally: He transferred all of his mental energy to the executive attention network of his brain to solve a problem. This is dangerous territory for an engineer because it suppresses the last remnants of his social awareness. Expect him to misread social cues. Dilbert: They're here to kill me.
CEO: I don't like the name of our new app. You need to change it. Dilbert: Perhaps you can underscore your point by suggesting a bunch of names that are already taken. Do you mind if I think of other things while you do that?
Catbert: Our sales dropped to zero because you told the media we have a better product coming soon. And 95% of the staff resigned because you announced plans to fire 50% of them. Maybe it would be better if you never spoke to anyone again. CEO: How would people get my wisdom.
Boss: You're a perfect employee in many ways. Dilbert: I am? Boss: For example, you have excellent technical skills. Dilbert: That's true. Boss: And your attendance is perfect. Dilbert: Yes, it is. Boss: And you are too risk-averse to quit and start your own company. Dilbert: What? Boss: Plus, you have no social life to interfere with work.Dilbert: Are these still compliments? Boss: Combine all of that with your irrational need for approval, and it makes you a code-writing puppet. Did I already say you're underpaid? Dilbert: Stop complimenting me!
Boss: No need to talk. Now we use an app to make hiring decisions. The app checked your online footprint and says you're a serial mansplainer with an unsuccessful dating history. I assume that means you have awesome technical skills. Interviewee: Full stack!