Search Results for "public relations form"
Share July 01, 2009's comic on:
Dilbert says, "The results of out beta testing are in." Dilbert says, "Our user interface triggered wide-spread despondency and self-mutilation." Dilbert says, "Obviously we'll need to delay our launch for the public good." The boss says, "When did you become a communist?"
Share December 29, 2009's comic on:
Morgan: The man with no communication skills Dilbert says, "Did you get results from the stress tests yet?" Morgan says, "Stress tests have to be performed under controlled conditions." Dilbert says, "Has anyone ever explained to you the yes-no form of questions?" Morgan says, "Is it my turn to talk?"
Share March 05, 2011's comic on:
At the trade show Woman says, "Are you actually interested in this product or are you just trying to chat me up?" Dilbert says, "The show is too big to see everything, so I use a mammary filter to decide who I talk to." Woman says, "You use a what?" Dilbert says, "Do you have any free stuff or job offers?"
Share September 07, 2008's comic on:
The Boss says, "I reject your proposal." Dilbert says, "Is there any particular reason this time?" The Boss says, "At my level of management I don't have the authority to approve anything important." The Boss says, "But I do have the authority to reject things." The Boss says, "If I don't reject proposals, there's nothing for me to do." The Boss says, "If I do nothing I'll get fired. I might never get another job. I could starve to death." The Boss says, "So I have to reject everything you propose or else I might die." Dilbert says, "What am I supposed to do now?" The Boss says, "Can you rephrase that question in the form of a proposal?"
Share December 21, 2008's comic on:
Catbert: Evil director of human resources man says, "My consultants can transform human resources." man says, "We'll start with a diagnostic review." man says, "Then you'll form centers of excellence around areas of expertise." man says, "Next, you'll consolidate shared services and drive continuous improvement." man says, "Business units will translate operational imperatives into HR actions. Catbert says, "Does any of that mean the same as firing idiots and cutting the budget?" man says, "Which answer gets us hired?" Catbert says, "Try yes." Man says, "Yes!" Catbert says, "Great. Put a bow on it and send me the invoice."
Share January 04, 2009's comic on:
woman says, "You need to sign the corporate code of conduct." Wally says, "Wow! You're totally hot." woman says, "Um?That's inappropriate, and you need to sign the code of conduct." Wally says, "I don't have a pen, can you take it back to your cubicle and sign it for me?" woman says, "No. And I think you're lying about not having a pen. But maybe we can find one for you." Wally says, "See if Dilbert is in his cubicle, I usually take his stuff and blame the cleaners." woman says, "Just sign the #%!*! code of conduct or I will crush your stupid, bald head!" Wally says, "Do I need to read it?" Woman says, "No. Just say you did."
Share September 06, 2009's comic on:
Dilbert says, "Can you approve this change?" Woman says, "I'll have to run it by my corporate office." Woman says, "And we're in merger talks, so they'll need to clear it with our future owners." Woman says, "No one will know who should make the decision or what the right decision is." Dilbert says, "When do you think you'll have an answer?" Woman says, "Sometime between next week and whenever the earth is devoured by a gravitational singularity." Woman says, "Meanwhile I will avoid your calls and e-mails by becoming a vapor." Dilbert says, "You forgot the approval form."
Share August 01, 2010's comic on:
Mom says, "Dilbert, could you help me fill out this rebate form the next time you visit?" Dilbert says, "Sure, mom." Mom says, "Also, my laptop keeps crashing." Dilbert says, "I'll take a look at it." Mom says, "My TV is acting up again too." Mom says, "And maybe you could show me how to change my ringtone." Dilbert says, "Do you really need all of that help?" Dilbert says, "Or is this an elaborate scheme to inoculate against me ever wanting to move back home?" Mom says, "We have a bad connection! What? What? What?" Mom thinks, "That should buy me another six months."
Share May 27, 2007's comic on:
"The best choice for employee of the month is..." "Congratulations to Alice for being our employee of the month!" "You get to use my parking spot near the entrance for the rest of the month." "I take public transit to work." "You also get to take the rest of today off." "It's already five o'clock, and you said I need to finish my project by tomorrow morning." "And you get to have pizza with me." "I'm on a @#$% low carb diet!!!" "I nailed it." PIZZA
Share September 10, 2007's comic on:
Dogbert: I'll need more than tall pants and traditional looking hair to get elected to president. "I'm hoping to form an unholy alliance with the military industrial complex." "You're willing to attack allies?" Dogbeert: "It's the highest R.O.I."