Very Advanced Comic Strips - Page 16
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The psycho hillbilly raises his knife at Asok and says, "Hi. It's a pleasure to meet you." Asok jumps back and exclaims, "Gaaa!!" Asok says, "You look like a psycho hillbilly" The hillbilly replies, "Thank you very much." The hillbilly continues, "We network design engineers like to dress with a theme." Asok asks, "May I call you crazy old coot?"
Dilbert holds a gift. He says to a salesman, "Thank you, but I can only accept gifts under $25. How much is this?" The salesman replies, "$26." Dilbert hands the gift back to the salesman and says, "Well, thanks anyway." The salesman responds, "Rules are rules." Alice is holding the gift. She says, "You're a very nice for a salesperson. But how much is this worth?" The salesman replies slyly, "$26. Why?"
Dilbert says to Carol, "Carol, I need to reserve the glass-walled conference room by the main lobby." Carol replies, "The 'Fish Bowl' is only available to attractive employees. We don't want to scare visitors." Dilbert says, "I want a second opinion." Carol replies, "Very well. I'll convene the tribunal of admin assistants."
Caption reads: "Catbert, evil H.R. Director." Catbert is sitting behind a desk in a throne-like chair. He tells Dilbert, who is sitting in a very small chair: "We've decided to give you a new personality." Dilbert is surprised: "What! Why?" Catbert explains: "You're current personality is non-standard." He continues: "You must choose one of the approved corporate personalities." Catbert presents the options: "The choices are sycophant, glad-hander, sadist, quantoid, prima donna, empty suit, or whining misfit." Dilbert says: "Empty suit sounds interesting." Catbert says: "Excellent choice. Here's the Spec Sheet." Wally asks Dilbert about the meeting: "How did it go?" Dilbert answers, reading from the Spec Sheet: "Same ol' Same ol'. You got that right!"
A coworker is sitting at his computer. Dilbert asks him, "Did you finish the vendor comparison that you promised you'd give me today?" The coworker mutters, "No." The coworker says, "I'm one of those people that needs to be threatened every day or I won't do anything." Dilbert says, "You're very defective." The coworker responds, "Good start. I'm beginning to feel something."
The Boss introduces a woman to Dilbert, "Dilbert, meet a woman who acts peeved at any sort of question." Dilbert extends his hand and asks, "How are you?" The woman opens one eye very widely, "Poink." The woman exclaims, with one eye wide open and the other closed, "How am I???" Dilbert responds, "Wow. I gotta show this to Wally."
Asok says to The Boss and Alice, "I worry that our upcoming merger is nothing but a huge scam on our stockholders." The Boss opens his mouth very wide and yells, "Buwaha-hahaha!!" The Boss says, "I mean.. It's accretive to earnings."
Alice and Bobby are out to dinner. Alice says, "If we married, would you mind being a stay-at-home father?" Bobby responds, "I love children. That would be a very rewarding lifestyle." Alice says, "Okay, now imagine that there aren't any kids, and you're basically my unpaid servant." Bobby asks, "Could I iron?"
The Boss: "Wow! You have three masters degrees and a PHD!" "Yes, it's all very impressive, but interestingly, I have no common sense whatsoever." "That's not the sort of thing you should say during a job interview." "I don't see why not."
"Greetings, earthling. I bring you either wisdom or planetary annihilation. The choice is yours." "Stay in the break room. I'll go get my leader." "Very well." "The new coffee stirrers are great, but I got the last one."