Important Documents Comic Strips - Page 16
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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "Floyd, I'm giving you a c-level title." Dogbert says, "You'll be the chief janitorial officer, in charge of all dirt, germs, dead critters and problematic excretions." Man says, "Is it because I'm so important?" Dogbert says, "What answer would make you clean up poop faster?"
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says ,"Employees are so important to me that our head of human resources will get a C-level title." Dogbert says, "Edna will be our CPO, or Chief People officer." Dogbert says ,"Take a seat over there by the chief artificial coffee creamer officer."
The Boss says, "Carol, you filled out Ted's termination documents wrong. You put my name in the box as the fired employee." The Boss says, "My security access has been revoked. My phone is shut off, and my passwords are deactivated." The Boss says, "You need to fix this." Carol says, "Security, I found the fugitive."
Dilbert says, "Can you scan this document for me?" Carol says, "Is it important?" Carol says, "If it isn't important, you shouldn't bother me. If it is, the scanner will malfunction." Dilbert says, "Is there no room for hope?" Carol says, "I keep mine in this empty candy jar."
The Boss says, "Wally, did you finish the vendor comparison?" Wally says, "I'm proud to say I did not." Wally says, "You told me to focus on my highest priorities, and that wasn't one of them." The Boss says, "So? when can I expect it?" Wally says, "Logically, that would be never." Wally says, "If that task ever became the most important thing I was doing, you'd eliminate my position." The Boss says, "True. But at least you're getting the high priority stuff done, right?" Wally says, "So far, it's taking all of my energy to avoid doing the low priorities."
Dilbert says, "I'm working at home today so I can concentrate without any distractions." Dilbert says, "Please don't disturb me. Nothing is so important that it can't wait." Dogbert says, "I take that as a challenge." Dilbert says, "No, please..." Dogbert says, "Do you smell that?" Dogbert says, "I'm pretty sure it's a gas leak." Dogbert says, "Have you noticed that the lamp makes huge sparks every once in a while?" Dogbert says, "I wouldn't worry. What's the worst thing that could happen?" Dogbert says, "I think I hear a baby trapped in the wall!" Dilbert says, "Get out of my head!"
Alice says, "I learned to control men by exaggerating the importance of my projects and overextending myself." Alice says, "Our most important customer is coming and I won't be ready on time unless you fetch me some coffee!" Alice says, "In phase two, I make you enjoy it."
Wally says, "What's more important- our core systems or our key processes?" Wally says, "If there's no clear answer to that question, I'll continue to act randomly." The Boss says, "Get out of my office." Wally says, "The open door policy probably looked good on paper."
Coworker says, "Wally, would you??" Wally says, "No. I'm doing something important for the brand integration manager." Coworker says, "Maybe after that you could?" Wally says, "Then I'm doing a rush job for the director of sustainability." Coworker says, "Are those even real people?" Wally says, "Welcome to Matrix management, Neo."
The Boss says, "Whenever my browswer asks me if I want to install a toolbar, I'm afraid to say no." The Boss says, "Now my browser window is only one inch tall." The Boss says, "If you see anything important on the Internet, could you write it down for me?"