Last Half Comic Strips - Page 16
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Wally, the boss, Dilbert and Alice are in a meeting. Wally says, "It's time now for the weekly Wally report." Wally says, "By Tuesday the pointy-haired troll had dumped record levels of work on poor Wally." Wally says, "Wally's happiness was in extreme jeapardy." Wally says, "It was a moral dilemma too." Wally says, "Would Wally disappoint the stockholders to save his own skin?" Wally says, "Or would he fight with his last ounce of happiness to complete all the assignments?" Wally says, "In the end there was only one choice." Dilbert says, "You wrote the Wally report instead of working?" Wally says, "Stop reading ahead!"
The Boss comes into Wally's cubicle and asks, "Wally, did you finish the analysis for tomorrow?" Wally answers, "No." Wally continues, "I'm waiting until the last minute so you won't have time to ask for unnecessary changes." The Boss walks away and thinks, "I'm already one step ahead of him- the analysis itself is unnecessary."
Dilbert walks with a dark haired women. She says, "I never told my last boyfriend what a despicable creep he was." She grabs on to the front of Dilbert's shirt and says, "But you'll pay for his crimes and pay dearly!!" Dilbert looks mad and says, "Why don't you call him and tell him how you feel?" She says, "I have a date with him at ten o'clock tonight."
The boss stick his head into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Do you have those budget numbers from last months?" Dilbert says, "They're totally innaccurate." The boss says, "I know but those are the only numbers we have." Dilbert says, "Actually we have infinite inaccurate numbers to choose from." The boss says, "Let's keep those in our back pocket in case we need them." Dilbert says, "I'll encrypt them so no one else can use them."
The boss hands Carol a piece of paper and says, "Carol, give everyone a copy of my reorg announcement." Carol looks at the paper and says, "They're already organized this way because I never distributed your last reorg announcement." CArol says, "Let's see your "employee of the week" do THAT!"
A salesman sits with his briefcase across from Dilbert. The salesman says, " a tough negotiator, but I think we have a deal." The salesman hands Dilbert a piece off paper and says, "Just sign the contract and we'll deliver the equipment." Dilbert reads and says, "This contract is totally different from what we agreed." The salesman thinks, "Must act suprised." and says, "Really?" dilbert says, "Why are you spring all these conditions on me at the last minute?" The sales man says, "No onwe has ever complained before." Dilbert says, "Can I borrow your briefcase for a minute?" and takes the briefcase. The salesman says, "Um... okay." dilbert drops the briefcase off a balcony. The salesman says, "That wasn't nice." Dilbert says, "No one has complained before."
Wally stands in Alice's cubicle with a coffee cup. Alice works at her computer. Wally says, "There is no reason to be stressed, Alice." Wally says, "Allow me to be your role model." Wally says, "I remain calm despite the pressure of impossible deadlines." ALice says, "That's because you have no pride and no ambition!" ALice says, "I've worked day and night to make this deadline!" ALice says, "And when I suceed, the glory will be mine!" Ted pokes his head around the cubicle wall and says, "Our new VP just canceled the project so the last vp would look bad." Wally says, "They say that when the student is ready, the master will appear."
Alice has just presented a document to the Boss. As the Boss reads it, he tells her, "Remove that last bullet point. It's stupid." Alice gasps. Alice crosses her arms and says, "Yesterday, you told me to add that bullet point." She continues, "So either you were wrong today or you were wrong yesterday." The Boss ponders this. Alice pokes her head out of the Boss' office to tell the other workers, "Everyone come quickly! He has to admit he's wrong!" Dilbert and Asok sprint down the hall. Wally's head pops up from behind his cubicle wall, elated. Once the other employees are gathered around her, Alice cues the Boss, "Say it." The Boss responds, "Alice heard me wrong yesterday." Alice is furious as everyone continues to stand around her. Wally says, "It takes a big man to admit Alice is wrong." Asok, cupping his hands to his mouth, yells, "Can you hear us Alice?"
Dilbert hands the boss a piece of paper and says, "This is the bare minimum budget I need for my project." The boss says, "What could you do with half of this amount?" Dilbert says, "Fail." The boss says, "When can you start?" Dilbert says, "I think I just did."
Dilbert stands next to a blank projection screen. He says, "My boss asked me to give his presentation." Dilbert puts a transparency on the overhead projector, saying, "I'll start with his irrelevant comparisons." Dilbert points to the projection, saying, "Our budget is lower than last year...". His co-workers watch as Dilbert continues, "When we had completely different projects." Pointing to a projection of a graph, Dilbert continues, "Our average product development time is less...". The co-workers watch as Dilbert continues, "Than the average for companies who make different products." Dilbert puts another transparency on the projector, saying, "Let's move on to his list of blindingly obvious insights." Standing next to the projction, Dilbert says, "If it's okay with you, I won't read them aloud." The projection reads, "Computers are getting faster!"