Last Ounce Of Happiness Comic Strips - Page 16

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

430 Results for Last Ounce Of Happiness

View 151 - 160 results for last ounce of happiness comic strips. Discover the best "Last Ounce Of Happiness" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #last day, #farewells, #working, #row, #stay in touch, #stranger

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted, who has the letter 'R' painted on his chest, says to Wally, "Today is my last day. I'm saying my farewells." Wally looks at Ted as Ted says, "We've never talked, but I was working my way down the row and here you are." Ted says, "So... Let's stay in touch." Wally says, "Don't be a stranger."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #never thought, #organic pain, #racing toward oblivion, #self delusion, #key to happiness

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says to Dilbert, "The key to happiness is self-delusion." Dobert says to Dilbert, "Don't think of yourself as an organic pain collector racing toward oblivion." Dilbert says, "I've never had that thought... Until now." Dogbert says, "Don't blame me; I said don't."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil hr director, #five years expereince, #job interview, #no profit, #dot com president, #Catbert

View Transcript

Transcript

CATBERT: EVIL H.R. DIRECTOR: A man sitting across the desk from Catbert says, "... And I have five years experience as a dot-com president." The man listens as Catbert says, "You're in luck. We need someone who can burn through twenty million dollars without making a profit." Catbert grins widely as the man says, "Really? The last nine interviewers said the same thing but they were joking."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bob, #ex emloyee, #died, #funeral, #barely knew, #erfromance review, #communication skills, #attendance

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert is standing on The Boss' desk. Catbert says, "Bob was working for you when he died. The family wants you to say something at his funeral." The Boss replies, "I barely knew him. Maybe I can read something from his last performance review." The Boss is standing at a podium at the funeral. He says in his speech, "Bob needs to work on his communication skills.. and attendance."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #down sized, #laid off, #let go, #thrilled to be fired, #severance package

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss finishes firing an employee and says, "...Effective immediately." The employee clenches his fists in happiness and yells, "YES!" The employee dances on his chair and yells, "Ah-ooga! Woo-hoo!" The Boss looks surprised. The Boss suggests to Catbert, "We can make the severance packages less generous."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceos goal, #improve revenue, #fired, #contratcor, #cancelled my contract

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to an employee, "Our CEO's goal is to improve our revenue per employee. So I'm going to fire you and bring you back as a contractor." The employee responds, "Last week his goal was to reduce the number of contractors. So you cancelled my contract and hired me as an employee." The Boss replies, "Well, it looks like someone doesn't like having his cheese moved." The employee looks at The Boss skeptically.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #downsized, #info, #last day, #projects, #right away, #soon enough, #90 days

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss hands Dilbert a stack of papers and says, "Here are some projects to finish before your last day." Dilbert responds, "But.. I'll have to interact with people who know I've been downsized." The Boss replies, "Hee Hee!" A coworker mocks Dilbert, "I'll get this information to you right away. Is ninety days soon enough?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #good meeting, #reveal incompetence, #attendees, #bad meeting

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert comes home. He says to Dogbert, "I just had a good meeting." Dogbert responds, "Maybe it just didn't last long enough to reveal the incompetence of the attendees." Dilbert replies, "That's what I call a good meeting." Dogbert responds, "I'm having a bad meeting."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #open door policy, #ruining happiness, #complain, #morale inspiring, #body language, #protective bubble, #stressed out scowl, #stop by, #insincere

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss tells Catbert, "My open door policy is ruining my happiness." The Boss continues, "People stop by all day long and complain." The Boss asks, "How can I maintain the morale-inspiring illusion of an open door policy without actually having one?" Catbert responds, "Use your body language to create a protective bubble of unwelcomness." Catbert clenches his teeth and makes a hostile face. He says, "Try this stressed- out scowl." Dilbert asks Carol, "Can I poke my head in?" Carol responds, "Sure. He has an open door policy." Dilbert enters to find both The Boss and Catbert with stressed-out scowls. The Boss says, "It's a pleasure to see you." Catbert says, "We value your input." Dilbert runs away exclaiming, "Ay-yi-yi-yi!!" The Boss and Catbert poke their heads around the corner, still with stressed-out scowls. The Boss says, "Stop by any time."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bragging, #hours per week, #made up, #reorganized pattern, #seventy hours, #sixty hours, #complaining

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Wally, and Alice are eating lunch. Dilbert says, "I worked sixty hours last week." Alice replies, "That's nothing. I worked seventy hours." Wally says, "That's nothing..." Wally continues, "Oh, wait... I just recognized the pattern."