Layoff List Comic Strips - Page 16

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164 Results for Layoff List

View 151 - 160 results for layoff list comic strips. Discover the best "Layoff List" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally And His Priorities

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Wally And His Priorities - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, meetings, office, office workers, sarcasm

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the boss: wally, can you attend a meeting at 10 am tomorrow? wally: sure. here's a list of my projects so you can tell me which one you want to fail while i'm wasting my time at your meeting. the boss: was there a chance one of them would succeed? wally: well played

Layoff Package

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Layoff Package - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, fire, office, office workers, buyout

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dilbert, the boss and wally at conference room table. the boss: the company is announcing generous buyout packages for employees who elect to leave. dilbert: won't all the smart people leave first because they can easily get new jobs at higher pay? the boss: ummm... dilbert: if you don't get enough volunteers, will you start firing people? the boss: we have no plan to do that. dilbert: will you make a plan if too few people leave? the boss: oh, yes. dilbert: would it be fair to say the people who stay will envy the dead? the boss: um... one week later: the boss: how many took the offer? carol: it's just you now.

Bring Me Solutions

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Bring Me Solutions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, business, solutions, problems, worthless, sarcasm, example

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boss: i want you to bring me solutions, not problems! dilbert: that's a funny way to call yourself worthless. boss: i do plenty around here! boss: but in the interest of time, i will not list any examples.

I Will Send You A List

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I Will Send You A List - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, target, complicated, detail, list

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wally: and i plan to meet my targets by doing a variety of complicated things. boss: what kind of things? wally: i'll send you a detailed list. boss: what if you forget to send it? wally: with any luck, you'll forget you asked for it.

To Do List

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To Do List - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, list, self management, success, tasks, to do list, Win

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dilbert thinking: i accomplished fifteen tasks on my to-do list today. that leaves only seven hundred tasks, not counting the twenty-three i added today. dilbert to dogbert: i wonder what winning feels like. dogbert: it's great.

Poster Of Our Values

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Poster Of Our Values - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, sarcasm, business, poster, values, room, forgot, steal, guess, break room

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boss at conference room table: i hope you all saw the poster i put in the break room with our list of values. dilbert: i didn't see it. what are our values? boss: i don't remember. wally: are we allowed to steal? dilbert: i don't think so, but i'm guessing.

Spring Cleaning

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Spring Cleaning - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags baboons, birthday, business, cleaning, criminals, drunk, files, list, servers, spring, white-collar

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boss on cell phone: we need to do spring cleaning. delete any data on our servers that make us look like white-collar criminals or drunken baboons. dilbert: all that leaves is our birthday list. boss through phone line: torch that too.

Wally Took Notes

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Wally Took Notes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, co-workers, forward, hungry, insults, intelligence, managers & supervisors, meeting, notes, pandemic, release, schedule, snack, technology, version, covid

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staff in conference room and all wearing face masks. dilbert: we agreed at our last meeting to postpone the version release. tina: no, we agreed to do it sooner. dilbert: i don't think so. who took notes at the last meeting? wally: i did. click wally: forwarding those notes to each of you. dilbert: um...your notes are mostly insults about the intelligence of your co-workers and...some sort of snack list. this is no help at all. wally: don't blame me. i'm not the one who schedules these meetings when i'm hungry.

Offer 90 Percent Less

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 Offer 90 Percent Less  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, sarcasm, price, list, stupid, impact, face mask, business

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boss: try offering 90% less than the list price and see if they take it. dilbert: no one reduces their prices by 90% just because you want them to do it. i will look stupid for asking! boss: watch how that doesn't impact me at all.

No Performance Reviews

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No Performance Reviews  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, employment, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, technology, Political, social, opinions, ranking, acceptable

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boss in staff meeting: the company will no longer do performance reviews. from now on, you will be ranked on the acceptability of your political and social opinions. dilbert: do you have a list of acceptable opinions? boss: there will be no hints.