Newest Team Comic Strips - Page 16

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242 Results for Newest Team

View 151 - 160 results for newest team comic strips. Discover the best "Newest Team" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tiger team, #boring job, #sarcastic, #yell, #mouth open, #tiger costumes, #moving junk

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The Boss says, "Carol, form a tiger team to move the junk from the small conference room." Carol says, "I'm glad you call it a tiger team so I don't feel sad that my job involves relocating junk." Carol says, "Could I be less happy right now?!!" The Boss says, "I ordered tiger costumes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer help, #trap, #yell, #freak out, #hair stand up, #rant, #hug, #kill, #head in hands

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Tina says, "I need help with my computer." Dilbert says, "It's a trap!" Dilbert says, "If I touch your computer, you'll think that every future problem is caused by something I did." Dilbert says, "You'll tell everyone I ruined your computer!" Dilbert says, "I'll be obligated to solve every computer problem you have from this day on." Dilbert says, "My own projects will be left to wither as I show you for the ninethieth time how to select a new font." Dilbert says, "If I refuse to help, you'll tell my boss I'm not a team play." Tina says, "Do you need a hug?" Dilbert says, "Only if you can squeeze hard enough to kill me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #inefficiencies, #kaizen team, #soultions, #busy, #being ineffcient, #ignorance, #aggressive type of objectivity

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Wally: I noticed some inefficiencies in another department, so I formed a Kaizen team to find solutions. I asked some of the peopl in that department to be on the team, but they were busy being inefficient. With any luck, my ignorance of their function will be seen as an aggressive type of objectivity.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #commerce, #optimism, #patents, #patent infringement, #google, #apple, #microsoft, #oracle, #nasa, #astroid, #life span of optimist, #technology

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Lawyer: Our newest product infringes patents from Google, Apple, Microsoft, and Oracle. They've joined forces and hired NASA to nudge an asteroid toward our headquarters. Boss: I think we can win this. Lawyer: I wonder what the average life span of an optimist is.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #crimes, #gadgets, #inventions, #world class invenotr, #invented prodcuts, #key memeber, #fired for stealing, #stuff to steal, #high five, #hits boss

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Boss: I hired a world-class inventor. Meet Toby. When he worked for our competitor, he invented their coolest product. Toby: I was just a member of a team. Boss: A key member! Toby: Until they fired me for stealing. Wally: You came to the right place. We have tons of stuff to steal and no one ever gets caught! Toby: Give me a high five with a boss head in the middle! Noise: SLAP! Toby: That's the only thing I ever invented. Wally: Have you seen our storage closet?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #destructive criticism, #dumb, #employees, #team, #hired, #meeting, #business

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Boss: I'd like to begin the meeting by giving Dilbert some destructive criticism. Everything you do is dumb. I don't know why I hired you. I feel much more motivated now. If you feel a little bit worse, we came out ahead as a team.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #squirming, #team players, #thwart inaction

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Co-worker: Why are all the engineers in this meeting squirming when I talk? Did your boss order you to act like team players during this meeting and later thwart me by inaction? Answer me!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job description, #mindless zombie, #team work, #wate time, #tasks, #waste time, #never shows intitaive

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Wally: Should I waste my time doing tasks that are not in my job description? Or should I be a mindless zombie that shuns teamwork and never shows initiative? Take your time. I'm good either way.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #meetings, #new team, #company change startegy, #meetings turn awkward

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CEO: My new executive team got together and figured out the source of all of our problems. Dilbert: Is the problem that the executive team keeps changing, and that means the company strategy keeps changing? Wally: Is the problem that all of our meetings turn awkward?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #wages, #saved company millions, #no bonus, #ceo plans, #500 million, #acquisitions, #go team, #money

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Boss: Alice, your great work this year saved the company $10 million. But I can't give you a bonus because our CEO plans to write down $500 million for acquisitions gone bad. Go team!