News Comic Strips - Page 16
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Character
166 Results for News
View 151 - 160 results for news comic strips. Discover the best "News" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday March 17,
2015
Have To Promote Wally
Tags bad decision, mentor, mentoring, promotions, protege, promote, vice presdient, good news
Transcript
Catbert: I have to promote you to vice president because our CEO has been mentoring you. Otherwise, it would seem as if he is either bad at mentoring or bad at picking people to mentor. Alice: Now what? Wally: Would you like to hear some good news that won't make you happy?
Monday August 24,
2015
Robots Read News Of Supreme Court Ruling
Tags supreme court, partisan politics, engineers, morals, legislation, conservatism, liberal, guilt, innocence
Transcript
Robots Read News. Robot: The Supreme Court ruled that engineers cannot be found guilty of murder. Lawyers argued that any good engineer knows how to get away with murder, so getting caught is proof of innocence. The ruling was unanimous because no one could figure out which side was the liberal one.
Saturday April 02,
2016
The Boss's Feng Shui And Aura
Tags horoscope, Astrology, prediction, fortune, nonsense
Transcript
Carol: Ooh. Bad news on your horoscope today. Your moon is intersecting with the feng shui of your aura. Boss: How long do I have? Carol: You'll be dead by noon. Boss: I meant until my next meeting.
Sunday September 18,
2016
Tags executives, robot, technology, fairness, unfair, golden parachute, oblivioiusness
Transcript
CEO: The good news is that none of you will lose your jobs to robots. But a robot will take my job next week. I'll retire with an enormous severance package and live out my days in splendor. Meanwhile, the robot that takes my job will be working all of you to death. Robots are natural leaders because they don't care about your feelings. You will experience mental and physical misery on a scale the world hasn't seen since slavery was legal. But hey, it's better than losing your job to a robot. Am I right? Apparently, nothing makes them happy.
Friday January 27,
2017
Boss Tweets Fake News
Tags conversation, mobile (cell) phones, talk, window
Transcript
The department of education asked us to talk to you about all of your tweeting. You tweeted so much fake news that the average I.Q. in the country plunged seven points. That doesn't hurt anyone. You tweeted "seat belts are designed to strangle survivors so they won't sue."
Monday July 31,
2017
Scientists Confirm We Are Simulations
Tags reality, simulation, aliens, alternate universe, perception
Transcript
News: Scientists confirmed that our reality is actually a software simulation created by an advanced civilization. Dilbert: That makes no sense unless the advanced civilization is a bunch of psychopaths who like to see us suffer. Catbert1: One of the idiots in our simulation is insulting us. Catbert2: I'm going to break his phone screen.
Tuesday November 21,
2017
Wally Is A Maverick
Tags health, standing desks, standing, sitting, laziness
Transcript
Wally: I like to think of myself as a maverick. Let the trendy people brag about their standing desks. I haven't stood in a week. Dilbert: I have some bad news about your health risks. Wally: Should I sit down to hear it?
Wednesday July 18,
2018
Elbonian Ninjas
Tags controversy, offense, offensive, threat, murder, ninja, optimism
Transcript
Boss: The sales video you made for our Elbonian market is causing a public relations crisis. Their government has ordered Elbonian ninjas to kill you in your sleep. Dilbert: In my sleep? The best way to die! Boss: Stop confusing my bad news with your good news.
Friday December 14,
2018
Cake Is Healthy
Tags cake, diet, employees, employment, health, health food, office, office workers
Transcript
Boss: We're launching a health and wellness initiative for employees this week. In other news, we have cake in the break room to celebrate all of the birthdays this month. Dilbert: Because cake is healthy? Boss: Learn to compartmentalize.
Sunday October 20,
2019
Bad News I Can't Tell You
Tags angry, employees, frustrated, news, office workers
Transcript
Carol: I have bad news. Dilbert: What is it? Carol: I'll tell you later. Dilbert: Why can't you tell me now? Carol: I don't want to start and then get interrupted if someone comes in the room. Dilbert: How bad is the news? Carol: It's bad. Very bad. Dilbert: You're making me crazy, how can I relax knowing some terrible news is out there? Don't tell me you have bad news if you aren't going to tell me what it is!!! Wally: What did I miss? Dilbert: I don't know!


