Out Of Work Comic Strips - Page 16
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The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and a woman, "I'm discontinuing the employee drug testing program . . ." The Boss shows Dilbert a document and says, "Because my own tests keep turning out positive . . . Which makes me suspect that some wise guy has tampered with the medical computer." Dilbert says, "Denial and paranoia . . . Classic symptoms." Wally asks, "Is he 'high' right now?"
A man tells the Boss, "You should have seen that fish . . ." The Boss holds his arms out and says, "That's nothing, compared to the fish I . . ." Dilbert walks around the corner. The Boss says, "Hi, Dilbert." Dilbert sees his outstretched arms and thinks, "He wants to hug me. That's strange. Okay, I'm a Nineties guy." Dilbert hugs him and says, "Hi, Boss." The Boss and the other man look shocked. Dilbert thinks, "Now I'll have to hug this guy so it doesn't seem awkward." Dilbert hugs the man and says, "Hi, it's a pleasure to meet you." Dilbert walks away thinking, "I'm glad we've outgrown the uptight Eighties."
Dilbert says to a man, "I thought it was bad when they made us work in those little cubicles . . ." Dilbert continues, "Then they put two people in each cubicle . . . But we got used to it." Dilbert, Wally and two other people hang from the wall. Dilbert continues, "I guess we'll get used to Velcro strips, too."
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says, "I've solved an ancient puzzle." Dogbert continues, "I figured out how many angels can dance on the head of a pin!" Dogbert walks away thinking, "I don't care what he thinks . . . The answer is six."
Dilbert and an executive sit at a table eating lunch. The executive says, "I have these lunches to find out what the workers are thinking. You may speak freely." Dilbert says, "Okay . . . It seems like the company is lacking leadership and direction. The executives squelch all initiative by punishing those who take risks and voice opinions." The executive puts some food on his fork and says, "You leave me little choice but to fling this au gratin potato at your forehead."
The caption says, "Dilbert celebrates his victory in court." Dilbert picks Dogbert up and yells, "Yes!!" Dogbert says, "Put me down." Dilbert spreads his arms and yells, "Ha ha! I'm free! No more six-by-six prison cell!" Dilbert sits in his cubicle at work thinking, "Aah . . . It feels so good to have my freedom and individuality back."
Dilbert drives his car. He hears a siren behind him and thinks, "Police?" The officer stands at Dilbert's window and says, "You made an illegal U-turn." Dilbert says, "You're giving me a ticket for THAT?! A measly U-turn?!" Dilbert says angrily, "I can't believe it! The world is full of murderers and thugs, but you stop ME?" Dilbert says, "I'm wasting my taxes on your salary!" Dilbert continues, "And frankly, those mustaches you guys all grow don't make you look any smarter." The policeman says, "Please step out of your car for the sobriety test." Dilbert arrives at home wearing dirty and torn clothing. He tells Dogbert, ". . . So, it turns out that the sobriety test involves flinging yourself down a muddy embankment."
Dogbert asks Dilbert, "How did you do in the stand-up comedy competition?" Dilbert's clothes are tattered and he has bruises on his face. Dilbert replies, "I was halfway through my first joke -- about old people, when an elderly woman dragged me off stage and slapped the bejeezus out of me." Dilbert holds up a trophy and says, ". . . It was good enough for third place."
Dogbert sits across from a desk and says, "I've decided to become a pop psychologist. I need your help to make my lecture video." A man in sunglasses replies, "You came to the right place, babe. First, you need a new look." Dogbert is wearing a pony tail of false hair and a pointed brassiere. Dogbert says, "Nice try, but frankly, this look didn't work too well for Madonna either."
Dogbert stands on a stage holding a microphone. Dogbert says to the audience, "Welcome to the Dogbert Lecture Series on guilt." Dogbert continues, "In the next hour, you will learn how to cope with guilt the Dogbert way." Dogbert continues, "And if you don't, well, it turns out I get paid anyway."