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The Boss says to Dilbert and Alice, "The results of the employee satisfaction survey are in. Scores for my department are dismal." The Boss continues, "I'm assigning you to the satisfaction task force until the problem is solved." Dilbert and Alice look upset. Dilbert says, "Please . . . Anything but that . . ." The Boss asks, "How satisfied are you NOW?"
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table. Dilbert holds a device and says, "I call my invention the D-Chip Television Filter." Dogbert says, "I feel safer already." Dilbert explains, "It screens out any show with violence." Dogbert replies, "There goes the news, sports and dramas." Dilbert says, "It also gets rid of shows that feature dishonesty or sexual innuendos." Dogbert says, "Goodbye comedy and commercials." Dilbert says, "Let's hook it up." Dilbert sits on the couch holding the remote control and Dogbert sits on the backrest. Dilbert looks at the television and says, "All we're getting is weather reports." The newscaster says, "A huge tornado ripped through a . . ." There is a beep and then only static. Dilbert says, "It works! The evil can't get to us now, Dogbert." Dogbert says, "Unhook that #!*% thing or I'll rip off your leg and beat you to death with it."
Ratbert stands on the Boss's desk and says, "I'd be perfect for the job in quality assurance. Here's my resume." The Boss looks at the resume and asks, "Are you bothered by the fact that half of your words are spelled wrong?" Ratbert replies, "Nope! I'm not even bothered by your anal-retentive behavior." The Boss says, "You're hired. Your bonus will equal negative 100% of your base salary, okay?" Ratbert says, "I don't see any problem with that."
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "If we are to succeed, you must become change masters in an ever-changing, change-adaptive environment." Wally says, "Let me get this straight . . . Every change seems to increase our workload while decreasing our job security and real earnings after inflation . . ." Wally asks, "And the problem is OUR lack of flexibility?" The Boss replies, "Not entirely. There's also your bad morale."
Dilbert and Dogbert walk down the sidewalk. Dogbert says, "People are getting stupider every day, relatively speaking." Dogbert continues, "The complexity of the world is increasing geometrically." Dogbert continues, "But your ability to learn is at the same slow trickle it has always been." Dogbert climbs onto a rock and continues, "Information is gushing toward your brain like a firehose aimed at a teacup." Dogbert stands on the rock and continues, "You're at a crossroads in history. Even the smartest among you has become 'functionally stupid.'" Dogbert continues, "Your only hope is to choose a leader whose vision can penetrate the thick fog of human incompetence." Dogbert raises his paws and shouts, "Dogbert for Supreme Ruler of Earth!!" Dilbert sits on a rock and asks, "Do you want my opinion?" Dogbert says, "What are the odds of that?"
Asok stands behind Wally's desk and says, "I am only a lowly intern, but I see an obvious solution to your problem." Asok says, "Just click here . . . Clear your buffers and initialize the link . . . Now use this code patch for the memory leak." Asok says, "This is funny if you consider that your salary is twice as much as mine." Wally replies, "I'm laughing on the inside."
Ratbert sits on top of Dilbert's monitor and says, "I've become one of those people who misinterprets everything you say." Dilbert asks, "Why?" Ratbert says, "Why? Are you saying that nothing should ever change? Maybe you shouldn't be so rigid." Dilbert says, "This could be very annoying." Ratbert replies, "Maybe you should see a therapist for your emotional problem."
Dogbert stands on a chair with his paw poised over the keyboard. Dogbert thinks, "As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke." Dogbert presses a key and the employees all scream. Dogbert thinks, "It's just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws."
Dogbert says to Dilbert, the Boss and Wally, "This exercise will build trust. The partner in front will fall. The partner behind will break the fall." The Boss falls backward toward Dilbert. The Boss falls to the floor. Dogbert says, "Okay, maybe trust isn't your biggest problem here."
The Boss and Dogbert sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "When the year 2000 comes, your computers will think it's the year '00' and cause major problems." Dogbert continues, "The Dogbert Consulting Company can fix the problem for only ten million dollars. Our work is guaranteed for one full year, starting today." The Boss says, "But why would I care? The year '00' is before I'm born." Dogbert says, "Amazing . . . You'd actually have to be SMARTER to do something STUPID."