Secret Offshore Bank Comic Strips - Page 16
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160 Results for Secret Offshore Bank
View 151 - 160 results for secret offshore bank comic strips. Discover the best "Secret Offshore Bank" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday February 12,
2017
Tags #wages, #salary, #secret, #anger, #compensation, #money, #unfair
Transcript
Catbert: You left a speadsheet with everyone salary in the copier. Boss: Oops. Catbert: By now, every employee has seen it. Boss: Should I be worried that it will lower morale? Catbert: No, I wouldn't worry about that. I would worry about heads exploding when they find out Wally has the highest pay in the department. Noise: Pow!!! Catbert: It's going to be a long week. Boss: Would you mind kicking that angry eyeball into the trash?
Thursday July 27,
2017
Wally Secret Project
Tags #excuses, #laziness, #avoidance
Transcript
Boss: Wally can you review this? Wally: I'm on an urgent deadline. Boss: What is the deadline for? Wally: It's a secret project. Boss: Why don't I know about this? Wally: I don't know. I haven't studied your ignorance in that much detail.
Friday July 28,
2017
Wally's Project Is Not Confirmed
Tags #memory, #obliviousness, #managers, #executives, #hubris
Transcript
Boss: Wally says he has a secret project he can't tell me about. Did you give him that project? CEO: I don't remember every little thing I've ever done. Boss: My best strategy here is to think about other things.
Saturday July 29,
2017
Swear On The Lives Of Your Coworkers
Tags #lying, #swearing, #exaggeration, #deception, #accomplishment
Transcript
Wally: I achieved all of my milestones on my secret project this month. Boss: How do I know any of that is true? Wally: I swear on the lives of my coworkers. Boss: I'm getting a mixed message here.
Sunday November 05,
2017
Tags #lying, #deception, #secret, #choosing, #choices
Transcript
Man: Don't tell Dilbert I told you what he plans to do. Alice: What if he asks me how I found out? Man: You should lie. Alice: You have given me two bad choices. If I don't change my plans based on this new information, I'll have big problems. But if I act on it, Dilbert will ask me how I knew, and that will turn me into a liar. Man: Yes, those are your only options. Alice: Unless... Man: There's no "unless." You have only two options. Just two! Alice: Have you ever seen the view from the roof?
Tuesday February 27,
2018
How To Use Personality Profiles
Tags #personality test, #personaity, #privacy, #memory, #forgetfulness, #absent mindedness
Transcript
Dilbert: We all took the Dogbert Personality Test, bu tit's not clear how we're supposed to use the information. I mean, how does it help me to know you're a forgetful moron who can't keep a secret? Boss: Who showed you my private test results? Dilbert: You did.
Wednesday May 30,
2018
Arguing With Idiots
Tags #happiness, #secret, #tip, #arguing, #psychology
Transcript
Asok: Wally, how do you stay happy while the rest of us are stressed out? Wally: It's easy. Instead of arguing with idiots, I pretend I agree with them so they'll leave me alone. Asok: That sounds risky. Wally: Yes, I agree.
Monday March 18,
2019
Boss Does Research On Internet
Tags #internet, #searching, #secret, #unbelievable, #nonsense, #afraid, #truth
Transcript
Boss: I was doing some research on the internet... Dilbert: Uh-oh. Boss: And I learned that there is a secret cia base inside the sun, but no one is talking about it. Dilbert: Maybe you shouldn't do research on the internet. Boss: Why are you afraid of the truth?
Saturday April 06,
2019
Teaching Ai To Flirt
Tags #bank, #business, #office, #office workers, #robot
Transcript
dilbert talking to the boss. dilbert: i taught my a.i. software to flirt with humans. dilbert: by day three, i had fallen in love, and it drained my bank account to buy a robot body. robot: demand a raise you wimp! dilbert: help m
Tuesday March 31,
2020
The Secret To Managing
Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #manager, #hire, #people, #smart, #steal, #success, #rumor, #job
Transcript
boss to catbert: the secret to being a great manager is hiring people who are smarter than you are. then you have to take credit for their successes so they don't take your job. i also find it helpful to start rumors that they steal.