Sales Person Comic Strips - Page 16

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417 Results for Sales Person

View 151 - 160 results for sales person comic strips. Discover the best "Sales Person" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #presentation, #sales division, #freak out, #dehydrate, #water, #sweat, #public speaking, #scared, #dry, #skeleton

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The Boss says, "Alice, I need you to give a presentation to the entire sales division." Alice says, "GAAA!!! The very thought of public speaking dehydrates me!" The Boss thinks, "Maybe I should find someone moister."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #honest feedback, #strategy, #lie, #misperception, #hate people, #business

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The Boss says, "Alice, I called this meeting because you're the only person I trust to give me honest feedback on my strategy." Alice says, "It's great. It's amazing. It's the best strategy in the universe." The Boss says, "I thought you were honest." Alice says, "That's a common misperception. I just hate people."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pinocchio, #nose grows, #long nose, #doctor, #exam, #stethoscope, #lies, #powerpoint, #proboscis, #nose through head, #pain, #medical

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Doctor says, "You have a wicked case of sympathetic Powerpoint proboscis." Doctor says, "Your nose grows when anyone lies during a business presentation." Asok says, "Sorry. The sales forecast seemed optimistic."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #accomplish, #week, #fantasy, #time magazine, #entrepreneurial, #real job, #motion to head, #powerpoint slides, #horror, #real life, #kill, #business

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The Boss says, "Dilbert, what did you accomplish this week?" Dilbert says, "I doubled my sales and made the cover of Time magazine." The Boss says, "What?" Dilbert says, "Oh. Whoops. Sorry." Dilbert says, "For a moment there I confused my entrepreneurial fantasty life with my real job." Dilbert says, "I run a parallel career in my mind. In that world, I'm the founder of a hot start-up."B<R>Dilbert says, "It keeps my brain from fully realizing the horror of my actual career and trying to kill the rest of my body." Dilbert says, "But to answer you original question, this week I made some powerpoint slides that have no particular use." Dilbert says, "GAAA!!! My brain is trying to kill the rest of my body!" The Boss says, "Moving on..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new account manager, #boring job, #problem solver, #introduce, #shake hands, #first day, #toys

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The Boss says, "Dilbert, meet our new account manager." Dilbert says, "Hi." The Boss says, "His job is solving a hodgepodge of problems that would bore a normal person to death." The Boss says, "We think his parents didn't let him have toys." Dilbert says, "The first day is the easiest."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #powerpoint, #slides, #presentation, #monkey, #outsource, #pointing, #animals

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Dilbert says, "If we migrate our enterprise applications to the web, and outsource our sales and product development?" Dilbert says, "The entire company can be managed by one monkey." Dilbert says, "Plus a second monkey to look at the powerpoint slides from the first monkey."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #wdg, #worthless dumb guy, #banana, #project, #business

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Dilbert says, "And Russell will act as the WDG for our project." Asok says, "WDG?" Alice says, "Worthless dumb guy. Every project has one." Dilbert says, "In a different context, Russell might seem totally competent." Dilbert says, "But in any small group, the dumbest person always seems extra worthless." Dilbert says, "Everyone else on the project is brilliant. That makes Ruseell seem like a chimp." Alice says, "It's helpful to identify the WDG so we can discourage him from trying to contribute." Asok says, "Does it hurt his feelings?" Russell says, "Me want banana!" Alice says, "It's hard to know."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #plastic, #using, #borrowing, #germaphobe, #stapler

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Woman says, "Please order a new stapler for me," Carol says, "Did your old one break?" Woman says, "Only in spirit." Woman says, "Every person who came into my cubivle picked it up and fiddled with it," Woman says, "At first I would wipe off the cooties and try to forget." Woman says, "In time my stapler became imbued with sorrow and desperation of every dead-ender that fondled it." Woman says, "I covered it with a plastic bowl and taped it to the desk so no fumes can escape." Wally says, "If you're wondering why your chair is warm, it's because I borrowed it for a meeting." Woman says, "What's the biggest bowl you can order?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cold-calling, #sales, #engineer, #threatening, #fire, #closing, #economy, #business, #engineering

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "Sales have been lagging" Dogbert says, "I want each of you to cold-call ten customers per day." Alice says, "We're engineers. We don't know how to sell." Dogbert says, "Just follow this script. It's guaranteed to close every sale." Dilbert says, "Hello. I'm calling on behalf of the police and firefighter's charity for unattractive youths." Dilbert says, "If you send us $500 we will send you a lovely piece of software as a thank you gift." Dilbert says, "Otherwisem when your house catches on fire, you might find yourself handcuffed to the refrigerator." Mom says, "Dilbert? Is that you?" Dilbert says, "Hi, mom. I'm in sales now."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #consultant, #information, #credit, #managing, #costume, #confident, #business

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Dogbert the CEO Man says, "Consumer confidence is up, and that means more people will buy our products." Dogbert says, "I'm off to make random management changes so I can take credit for the improved economy." Dilbert says, "It's working?" The Boss says, "Sales are up!"