Secret Of Success Comic Strips - Page 16

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277 Results for Secret Of Success

View 151 - 160 results for secret of success comic strips. Discover the best "Secret Of Success" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #definition of success, #slowing of failure, #rate of doing nothing, #improve, #business

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The Boss says, "The company is happy to annouce that compaired to previous years, we improved our rate of revenue decline." The Boss says, "We've been doing great since we redefined success as a slowing of failure." The Boss says, "Moving on. Who has a status report?" Wally says, "I improved my rate of doing nothing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #secret, #research, #gmail, #email, #lying, #talking, #director, #coffee, #science

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Wally says, "The director of our top secret research group wants to borrow me for six months." Wally says, "During that time, you will not know where I am or what I'm working on." The Boss says, "I need to hear this from the director." Wally says, "I'll ask him to email you from his gmail account."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project manager, #gene pool, #kitchen, #losing, #foreboding, #anguish, #monitoring

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The Boss says, "Dilbert, this is Ellen, your new project manager." The Boss says, "If you do a bad job, Ellen will be on you like a ton of bricks." Boss says, "And if you do a good job, she will be threatened by your success and make it her mission to destroy you." Dilbert says, "Wait...what?" Dilbert says, "Did you just tell me I'm going to lose no matter what I do?" Ellen says, "If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen." Ellen says, "And by kitchen I mean the entire job market And the gene pool." "Dilbert says, "I have a bad feeling about this." Ellen says, "Your anguish nourishes me!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #firings, #layoffs, #company, #business

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Dilbert says, "I don't care that you fired me for using work time to start my own internet business." Dilbert says, "My new company will be a huge success!" The Boss says, "yes, and we own it because you created it during work." Dilbert says, "Then I barfed in my box full of junk." Dogbert says, "You may have lost that round."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #dehumanizing, #easier to downsize, #employees, #insulting nickname, #meeting, #osama, #rudeness, #enemy, #business

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The Boss says, I have assigned a secret insulting nickname to each of you." The Boss says, "It's my way of dehumanizing the enemy so it will be easier to downsize you." Ted says, "The enemy?" The Boss says, "That's enough out of you, Osama."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new vp of finance, #secret offshore bank, #forgot account number, #password, #name of country, #not so good

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Wally is the new VP of Finance A troll says, "I moved all of our cash to a secret offshore bank." The troll says, "But I forgot to write down the account number. Or the password. Or the name of the country." The troll says, "And... I'm not entirely sure it was a bank." Wally thinks, "First day, not so good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #success, #5 minute daily huddle, #obstacles

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The Boss: Who has some success to share at our 5-minute daily huddle? The Boss: Okay...Are there any obstacles? Asok: Everything.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #emailed payroll, #pay discrepncy, #punches screen, #quiet, #secret, #smashes computer, #report

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The Boss: Carol, I e-mailed you the department payroll report to reformat. Don't let anyone see it because they might... BAM! Exactly. They might do that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wally fired, #exit interview, #manipulation, #rigged system, #boss, #exploding servers

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Wally: I don't hold any grudges about being fired for hanging a comic on the wall. The company will be fine without my secret and exclusive knowledge of the critical systems. If the framistan starts to gabol, just purge the cache within sixty seconds and the servers won't explode.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sensitive material, #interoffice, #topsecret, #moron, #security department, #slap hard, #run fast

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Ted: Your most sensitive materials should always be sent in an interoffice envelope marked 'top secret. Dilbert: Are you a moron who works in our security department, or an industrial spy who is too lazy to look through lots of envelopes? The boss: Our security guys don't slap that hard or run that fast.