Stupid Misperceptions Comic Strips - Page 16
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The Boss addresses a meeting, "Can anyone tell me why everyone is always late for my staff meetings?" Alice responds, "Because the first ten minutes are always stupid stuff like 'What are people late?'" Dilbert turns to Alice and says, "Alice, that was some of your finest work." Alice responds, "Thank you for noticing."
Dilbert comes home and says to Dogbert, "I got fired from my job at the restaurant." Dilbert continues, "Every time I carried hot soup my thumb would slip in and I'd scream and spray the whole dining room." Dilbert continues, "I blame the soup." Dogbert replies, "Stupid soup."
Dilbert and Wally are facing The Boss at a conference table. The Boss says, "Yesterday I needed to ask Dilbert a question but I couldn't find him." The Boss' voice continues, "From now on, each of you must inform Carol of your whereabouts at all times." Alice turns to Wally and whispers, "Handle it." Wally walks past Carol's desk with a coffee cup in his hand. He reports, "I'll be wandering around with my coffee cup." He continues, as Carol frowns in the background: "If I find a newspaper I'll take a break in marketing's luxurious rest facilities." He continues, "Then I'll stop by the cute intern's cubicle to do some flirting." Carol sits thoroughly irritated and he continues nonetheless: "I stand in her doorway so she can't escape. I think I'm making progress." He goes to take a sip of coffee and concludes, "I'm becoming immune to pepper spray." Carol enters The Boss' office and says, "I canceled your stupid policy." The Boss continues to read the newspaper, unaffected.
MANAGEMENT TRAINING: Dogbert says to Alice and the rest of the Management Training class, "What would you do if you made a huge, incredibly stupid mistake?" A man sitting next to Alice in the class raises his hand and says, "I would try to learn from it." Dogbert asks, "Did you learn anything from your answer?"
Tina says to the group, "Welcome to workplace violence prevention training." Tina continues, "How can we identify potentially violent employees?" Wally raises his hand excitedly yelling, "Ooh! Ooh!" Tina says, "Wally?" Wally answers, "Do they have beards?" Tina replies, "Um...no. That was a stupid answer." Tina says, "Violent employees are usually creepy, inefficiently males who are widely disrespected." Dilbert raises his hand and asks Tina, "May I change seats?"
Dogbert says to Dilbert and the Boss, "Your software product is riddled with bugs." Dogbert continues, "I recommend repackaging it as a rust inhibitor for computers." Dogbert says, "The ads will say 'you know it's working because of all the error messages'." Dilbert replies, "People aren't stupid." Dogbert answers, "According to my research they are." Dogbert shows a diagrahm of a human brain with each section labeled. The Boss replies, "I think the rust turned my exclamation upside down." Dilbert says, "That's the letter 'I'."
Outdoors, Dilbert tells Garbage Man: "If I quit I'll lose some unvested stock. That's why I'm willing to suffer my job." Garbage Man replies: "A normal brain irrationally puts more weight on a small loss than a huge opportunity." Dilbert begins to say: "But now that you explained it..." But Garbage Man interrupts him: "Now you're just stupid."