Ted Comic Strips - Page 16

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

448 Results for Ted

View 151 - 160 results for ted comic strips. Discover the best "Ted" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags viruses, piranha flu, sneezes, bad allergies

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: I've got a wicked case of piranha flu. Ted: I've never heard of... Carol: Ahchooo!!! I should probably tell people I just have bad allergies.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags golf, video games, pebble beach, xbox, full spectrum, lamp, fresh air, house, windows, played golf, coffee, Sports, Entertainment

View Transcript

Transcript

Co-worker: I played golf at Pebble Beach over the weekend. Dilbert: I played that course on Xbox. Co-worker: That's totally different. Dilbert: I used a full spectrum lamp to simulate sunlight. Co-worker: I got fresh air! Dilbert: You should get a house that has windows. They're terrific.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags annoyance, roboshark, cubicle distance, 12 feet, territorial waters, robot, scare tactics

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Stop using the aisle behind my cubicle. It's distracting. Everything within twelve feet of my cubicle are my territorial waters. Ted: You can't enforce that. Alice: Tell that to my roboshark.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags language, thinking, project management, life cycle, abtraction, weightless, management process

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: The project management framework embodies a project life cycle and five major project management process groups. Dilbert: Oh no! The extreme level of abstraction has made us weightless! Ted: That doesn't even make sense.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags declare failure, explaining things, frustration, incompetence, office workers, partial victory, platform upgarde, teds brain, trapped

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Ted can explain what you need to do before the platform upgrade. Dilbert: No he can't. Ted's brain is where knowledge goes to die. He's not good at explaining things. The knowledge might be in his brain, but it's trapped there. Unfortunately, Ted's incompetence is so unbelievable that you literally don't believe me. In time, you will assume that Ted taught me well but I forgot all of it. I'm doomed before I start. Let's just declare failure and move on. Boss: That works for me. Dilbert: Partial victory.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, envy, big promotion, congratulations, not jealous, good work, art of full body lying

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: Hey, Alice! Did you hear about my big promotion? Alice: Congratulations, Ted. I'm not jealous at all. Keep up the good work. Sorry about my face. I haven't mastered the art of full-body lying.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, frustration, matrix comparing features, skin in game, bang head, cause extra work, value of time, ninja economics

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: You know what would be great? I'd like to see a matrix comparing the features of our past products. Boss: Dilbert, why don't you pull that together for our next meeting! Dilbert: That would take two days and the matrix would have no practical use. The problem here is that Ted doesn't have any skin in the game. I propose that Ted has to bang his head on the table whenever he causes me to do extra work. That will help Ted make better decision about the value of my time. Ted: Never mind. Dilbert: Ninja economics!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, unemployed, job performance, fire someone, cubicle, fired, wake up call, greatness, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Dilbert, your job performance is terrific. Dilbert: GAAA!!! That's code for "I'm going to fire someone else and make you do two jobs." Boss: Yes, but it's still better to be you than the guy I'm going to fire. Dilbert: We don't know that! This might be the wake-up call that spurs him on to greatness while I work myself to death in this cubicle. Boss: There's no way to please some people. Ted, you're fired. Ted: YES!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anxiety, pessimism, approve goal, apathy, plan to fire, unimportant projects

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: Did you approve my goals for next year? Boss: Yeah, whatever. Ted: Gaaa! Your apathy about my goals can only mean you to fire me within the next year! Catbert: Ha ha! Now give him unimportant projects. Boss: They all seem that way to me.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags exercise & fitness, office workers, using company gym, 60 hrs week, paying for itself

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Ted, I can't give you a raise because you've been using the company gym during work hours. Ted: I work sixty hours a week! Why did we build a new gym if I'm not supped to use it?? Boss: You were right. That gym is totally paying for itself.