Abuse People Comic Strips - Page 16
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Dilbert, pointing to a diagram, asks, "Are there any questions?" Three co-workers sit at a table looking stupefied. There is a paper airplane and a cup that's been knocked over spilling some liquid on the table. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Do you ever feel alone when you're with people?" Dogbert, reading and not looking up, says, "I try to."
Dogbert sits at Dilberts computer. Dilbert stands in a robe with a cup of coffee. Dogbert says, "I'm writing a comprehensive "how to" book." Dogbert says, "In chapter one, I teach people how to pick winning lottery numbers." Dogbert says, "Chapter two: How to find free real estate in very nice neighborhoods." Dogbert says, "Chapter three: how to lose weight by eating huge tubs of ice cream." Dogbert says, "Chapter four: how to build strong abs by joining a gym and never going." Dogbert says, "Finally, how to see angels by giving yourself a near death experience." Dogbert says, "That last one is just to get rid of all the witnesses." Dilbert thinks, "On the plus side I don't feel so bad about not recycling."
Dilbert sits opposite The Boss' desk and hears The Boss say, "You have failed to meet a goal set by our CEO." Dilbert says to The Boss, "Do you mean the impossible goal, the ill-advised one, or the one you didn't tell me about?" Carrying his briefcase, Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I figured out what's wrong with life: It's other people."
A male co-worker says to Alice, "Smile, Alice. It won't hurt." As Alice glares at the co-worker, he grabs at his throat and cries, "Gaaak!!" At a table, eating lunch with Wally and Dilbert, Alice says, "I found out I can kill people by looking at them." Dilbert says, "I wondered why you were smiling."
Dilbert, holding a book, says to Dogbert, "I'm bringing my copy of 'Who's Incredible' to my high school reunion." Flipping through the pages of the book, Dilbert says to Dogbert, "If anyone asks how I'm doing, I'll casually open the book and point to my name." At his high school reunion, Dilbert talks to a man and woman. Dilbert has his copy of 'Who's Incredible' under his arm. The man says, "I got rich selling a book called "Who's Incredible' to gullible people."
Catbert sits between Dilbert and the Boss with a piece of paper in front of him. He announces, "There aren't enough friendly people to fill our call center jobs." Catbert turns to the Boss and explains, "All we can find are angry people who refuse to put their telephone headset mircrophones near their mouths." A call center operator, with her telephone headset microphone turned completely away from her head, says, "No, I'm sure the problem is on your end."
Carol enters the Boss' office. He is holding up the phone and asks, "Carol, why do you keep putting sales people through to me?" Carol replies, "I'm taking bribes to supplement my income. It's a natural extension of empowerment." The Boss shakes angrily, and Carol says, "I sense some micromanagement brewing."
Dilbert sits on the couch. Dogbert sits next to him and says, "This will be your new motto..." Dogbert continues, "Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching." Dilbert says, "You can't assign mottos to me." Dogbert replies, "You'd better read your contract."
Dilbert sits in his cubicle as a co-worker says, "BLAH, BLAH, BLAH." Dilbert thinks to himself, "I'm trapped in my own cubicle." Dilbert looks down at his arm and thinks, "Maybe I can gnaw off my arm to escape." Dilbert stands in front of Dogbert with a bandage on his arm. Dogbert asks, "And that worked?" Dilbert replies, "People don't stick around when you start gnawing on your arm."
Dilbert and Wally stand having coffee. Wally says, "I'm running out of new things to say." Wally continues, "I'll have to start repeating myself just to fill the airtime." Dilbert replies, "You could let other people talk." Wally continues, "So, anyway, I'm running out of new things to say."