Across Dsiciplines Comic Strips - Page 16
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Dogbert is standing on a stool. The Boss is sitting across from him; the consultick is still inside The Boss' torso. Dogbert says, "I can either save your life or the consultant's life, but one of you will die." The Boss replies, "Give us a minute to discuss it." The Boss stands and says, "He recommends that you kill me."
"Catbert: Evil HR Director." "The company will provide free cholesterol screening on Tuesday." "At the same time, we're providing bacon and cheese hoagies across the hall. It's your choice." "I hate him, but I also love him."
The real estate agent The first property costs $10 million. Its covered with endangered frogs and its next to a banshee farm. The access road is a narrow path across a boiling cesspool of tormented souls.
A salesman sits with his briefcase across from Dilbert. The salesman says, " a tough negotiator, but I think we have a deal." The salesman hands Dilbert a piece off paper and says, "Just sign the contract and we'll deliver the equipment." Dilbert reads and says, "This contract is totally different from what we agreed." The salesman thinks, "Must act suprised." and says, "Really?" dilbert says, "Why are you spring all these conditions on me at the last minute?" The sales man says, "No onwe has ever complained before." Dilbert says, "Can I borrow your briefcase for a minute?" and takes the briefcase. The salesman says, "Um... okay." dilbert drops the briefcase off a balcony. The salesman says, "That wasn't nice." Dilbert says, "No one has complained before."
"Hi. I'm calling to check the references of your ex-employee named Ted." "We have a company policy against giving references. But I'd be happy to discuss the weather with you." "Okay." "The clouds are moving lazily across the sky, and everyone thinks they're stupid."
The land of unrealistic business assumptions. Dilbert: We need to find some assumptions about future sales. Dang! There's only one way across and it's blocked by an inebriated hillbilly. Dogbert: In the land of unrealistic assumptions, this guy is your only competitor.
Job Interview "We need someone who can solve the biggest engineering problem we have ever encountered." "Just distribute the power supply across both functions and double the fan size." "Thanks. If I need anything else, I'll interview you again."
A woman says, "The quality of your graphics casts a dark shadow across all of your work." The woman says, "Your logo stimulates the parts of my brain responsible for revulsion and dread." The woman says, "ONLY DEATH CAN RELEASE ME!" Dilbert says, "So... bad graphics... what else?"
Man says, "A salesman borrowed the demo unit that you flew across the country to see." Man says, "Can I show you something totally irrelevant so this doesn't feel so awkward?" Dilbert says, "Give me a minute to get out of the splatter zone."
Dogbert the Security Consultant Dogbert says, "Anyone without an I.D. badge is assumed to be an enemy combatant." Dogbert says, "Pounce on the intruder and shake him until his fillings fall out!" Alice says, "How much did we pay for that advice?" Dogbert says, "It's free. I work for the dentist across the street."