Add Topic Comic Strips - Page 16
158 Results for Add Topic
View 151 - 158 results for add topic comic strips. Discover the best "Add Topic" comics from Dilbert.com.
team meeting in conference room. dilbert: we can close the deal as soon as our lawyers tweak a few minor sentences in the agreement. the boss: how long will that take? dilbert: probably several years. the boss: what if i help them? dilbert: add 3 years.
Boss: Run this by Tina before you send it out. Dilbert: I already did. Boss: Make sure legal signs off on it. Dilbert: They did. Boss: Add the revenue graph from Alice's slide deck. Dilbert: It's in the exhibits in the back. Boss: You need to compare this plan to the "do nothing" option. Dilbert: That's on the next page. Boss: I need you to change something on this document so my life has meaning. Dilbert: I put a misspelled word on page seven for you. Boss: Fix it.
Boss: I need to randomly change something so it seems as if being a manager is a real job. Maybe I should centralize all the functions I decentralized last year. Catbert: Or you could find a way to add value. Boss: I'm not magic.
Man: I told your boss I think your project is heading in the wrong direction. Dilbert: Given that you only know about 20% of what one should know to have an informed opinion on the topic, may I conclude that you are stupid and toxic? Man: You don't know me! Dilbert: I'm basing my opinion on the 20% I do know.
boss: i can't approve your budget because you didn't follow the seventeen-step workflow procedure. dilbert: it is not humanly possible to follow the company workflow procedure and also accomplish anything useful. boss: would it help if i add a few steps? dilbert: yes, if you have to go back to your office to do it.
magazine salesman: our publication is considering naming your company one of the best places to work. on a totally unrelated topic, our sales team will be contacting you about buying lots and lots of advertisements. boss: and if we don't? magazine salesman: who would want to work at a company that makes such bad decisions?
boss: why didn't you upgrade the servers like i asked? dilbert: you never asked me to do that. boss: yes, i did. i told you in an email. dilbert: no, you did not. boss: i know i saw it because you replied. dilbert: i replied to a different email. boss: okay, let me find the email and show you how wrong you are. see. it clearly says, "give me a project update by thursday." dilbert: which is...an entirely different topic. boss: why are you fighting me on this?
dilbert: i invented goggles that remove humans from the scenery, so one can enjoy being alone. add noice canceling headphones, and you'll never again have to experience the horror of human interaction. alice: you freakin' megadork. dilbert holding arms out: mmmm, bliss.