House Keeping Comic Strips - Page 16

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210 Results for House Keeping

View 151 - 160 results for house keeping comic strips. Discover the best "House Keeping" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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I got the latest numbers from Yvonne. "How's Yvonne doing with the sextuplets now that her house burned down and she had shoulder surgery?" "It didn't come up."

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"Dilbert, do you have some time to help me with this technical analysis?" "Sure, if you'll go to my house and mow my lawn so this doesn't become a lopsided relationship." "Why must you be so difficult to abuse?" "Go spit in your socks."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #christmas, #christmas presents, #absolutely nothing, #guilty, #nothing to unwrap, #clutter, #return, #assemble, #holiday

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Dogbert: Merry Christmas. I got you the gift of absolutely nothing. Nothing to unwrap, nothing to clutter the house, nothing to return, nothing to assemble, and not a single thing to feel guilty about. Dilbert: You totally get me. Dogbert: It was the least I could do.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #inventions, #win battle, #developing better tv sets, #digital couch, #butt warmer, #bottle opener, #back scratcher, #control lights, #temperature, #buttocks like a mouse

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Wally: The biggest tech companies want to win the battle for your living room. But they are unwisely focusing on developing better TV sets. Today I give you me design for a fully digital couch. It has all of the features you would expect, including a butt warmer, surround sound, bottle opener and back scratcher. But you can also control the lights, curtains, temperature and TV by using your buttocks like a mouse on the seat cushion. This is a loft click and... this is a right. The prototype arrives tomorrow, and I'll be testing it for the next six months. Maybe I'll sell my house.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #nose job, #question, #art department, #veterinarian, #dog nose, #snout, #artistic statement, #hot, #airflow, #sit in chairs

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Asok in the art department Woman says, "Is that a botched nose job, which would be tragic?" Woman says, "Or a bold artistic statement, which would be totally hot?" Asok says, "It started out as a mistake, but I'm keeping it for the improved airflow. How hot is that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company, #lawyer, #stipulations, #restrictions, #humor, #business, #legal

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Company lawyer man says, "The company owns Dilbertfiles.com and all of its I.P. Because you created it at work." man says, "So you'll need to pay us a royalty every time you use the name 'Dilbert'" Dilbert says, "How did you get in my house?" man says, "There's a loophole in your door."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #criticism, #economy, #budget, #anger, #business

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The boss says, "The economy is circling the drain. I need each of you to take a 10% cut in pay." Asok the intern says, "I don't have much cushion in my budget. Yesterday I boiled my shoelaces for dinner." The boss says, "Remind me not to accept any dinner invitations to your house." Asok the intern says, "Don't worry!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #proposition, #marriage, #ridiculous, #confused, #reading, #explanation, #relationships

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Alice says, "I crunched the numbers, and it makes sense for us to get married." Alice says, "I can maintain my lifestyle if you live in the closet and your only hobby is cleaning my house when I'm gone." Alice says, "If that doesn't work, I can insure the bejeezus out of you and hope for the best." Dilbert says, "The best?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #economy, #money, #investments, #topping, #comparing, #proud, #bragging

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Topper Dilbert says, "Gaaa! My stocks are down 70%!" Topper says, "That's nothing!" Topper says, "Today I discovered that my house is insulated with cheese." Dilbert says, "Gouda?" Topper says, "Grated."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bragging, #saving, #money, #talking, #ridiculous

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Topper Dilbert says, "I'm painting my own house to save money." Topper says, "That's nothing!" Topper says, "I had spider glands trasplanted into my body so I can make my own silk garments." Dilbert says, "That doesn't seem?" Topper says, "Who wants mittens?!"