Kill Plants Comic Strips - Page 16

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

192 Results for Kill Plants

View 151 - 160 results for kill plants comic strips. Discover the best "Kill Plants" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 2005's comic on:


Tags #take the chair, #don't sell chairs, #sell hope, #hope of chairs, #ship in 2 months, #call and yell, #buy a chair

View Transcript

Transcript

SALE "I'll take that chair." "Excellent choice." "Now sit there quietly and try not to ask the one question that will kill this sale." "Is the chair in stock?" "GAAA!!!" "The truth is that we don't sell chairs at all. We sell the hope that a chair will someday be made for you." "How long will that take?" "If I could answer that question, it would be the same as selling you an actual chair." "How about if I tell you it will ship in two months, and you call and yell at me every three months for eternity?" "Did you buy a chair?" "There's no way to know."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 2003's comic on:


Tags #budget for research and development, #confidential, #witty, #appreciation, #laugh, #teeth fall out

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: "Ted, what's the budget for Research and Development?" Ted: "It's confidential. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. Hee hee!" Alice: "I've never heard that one. It's very witty." Alice: "Allow me to show my appreciation with the following fake laugh." "HA HA HA HA HA HA!!" "HA HA HA HA HA!!!" Alice: "Those are my real teeth. I need them back."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 2013's comic on:


Tags #apathy, #gadgets, #vision / eye care, #wally glasses, #google glasses, #enhance reality

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I invented "Wally Glasses" to compete with Google's glasses. Google's glasses enhance reality, whereas Wally glasses make reality look like it isn't worth the effort. Dogbert: Let me know if they kill you.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 2014's comic on:


Tags #crimes, #revenge, #difficult co workers, #jerks, #jar of polonium, #deal with difficulty, #office, #Politics, #registered, #dog, #stool, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Today you'll learn how to deal with difficult co-workers. Jerks will always be jerks. Your only hope is to kill them in ways that are untraceable. Boss: We need to talk. Dogbert: Each of you got a jar of polonium when you registered.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 2014's comic on:


Tags #death & dying, #inventions, #cryonics, #preserve brain, #transhumanism, #robot body, #staus update, #favors, #repaid

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Cryonics will allow me to preserve my brain until the age of transhumanism so I can live forever in a robot body. Boss: Dilbert, I need a status update on why your last status wasn't updated. Dilbert: Please kill me now. Wally: I don't do favors that can't be repaid.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 2014's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #thinking, #mental energy, #executive attention, #brain network, #dangerous territory, #surpasses last remnets, #sociala awreness, #misread social cues

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: He transferred all of his mental energy to the executive attention network of his brain to solve a problem. This is dangerous territory for an engineer because it suppresses the last remnants of his social awareness. Expect him to misread social cues. Dilbert: They're here to kill me.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 2014's comic on:


Tags #capitalism, #cruelty, #executives, #industry & manufacturing, #manufacturing, #meat, #announcements, #artificial meat prodcut, #automated robots, #senior management, #manufacturing employees, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: The company has two exciting announcements. We are launching a new artificial meat product. In unrelated news, our manufacturing plant is now fully automated by robots. Wow. It got quiet in here. Dilbert: I don't want to say we have no trust in senior management, but... did you order the robots to kill all of the manufacturing employees and turn them into a meat product? CEO: Before I answer that, can we agree that capitalism has some rough edges?

Dogbert Disposes Bodies

Thank you for voting.
Dogbert Disposes Bodies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 2015's comic on:


Tags #dolphin, #exotic pets, #hit man, #murder, #murder for hire, #russian military, #killed clown, #dead bodies, #disposal, #expert

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I bought a Russian military dolphin for a pet and it killed a party clown at my daughter's pool party. I need you to dispose of the body. Dogbert: The good news is that I'm an expert at getting rid of dead bodies. CEO: What's the bad news? Dogbert: Your dolphin hired me to kill you.

How To Make Money While Adding No Value

Thank you for voting.
How To Make Money While Adding No Value - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 11, 2015's comic on:


Tags #ceos, #mentor, #mentors, #mentoring, #protege, #success, #merit, #qualification, #luck money, #wages, #earning, #earn, #money, #salary

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO Mentors Wally. CEO: How would you like me to mentor you, underling? Wally: Can you teach me how to make $25 million per year while adding no value to the company? CEO: I don't know how to teach you that. Wally: Was it all luck or did you have to kill people?

Dilbert's App Stops Cyber Attack

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert's App Stops Cyber Attack - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 25, 2015's comic on:


Tags #technology, #hacker, #hacking, #cyber attack, #government secret, #advancement, #app

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm loaning you to the government to help stop the worst cyber attack our country has seen. Dilbert: I wrote an app for that. Okay... done. Are we good? G-Man: It's a gray area. I might need to kill you and steal the app.