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Boss: We need to cut our budget. Go to all of our vendors and tell them to reduce their prices. Dilbert: Why would they do that for us? Boss: Tell them we'll buy from someone else unless they do. Dilbert: That's what we told them to get the prices we have now. I'm an engineer, not a professional negotiator. Your plan has failure designed into it. Your poor leadership already has me on the edge of madness. This could push me over the edge. Boss: And I need it done by Tuesday.
Boss: The one they call Dilbert suggested we do something that looks good but won't work. CEO: Is this the first trace of management potential you've seen from him? Boss: You think it's a fluke? CEO: Let's keep an eye on it.
Boss: I'm a good judge of people. Dilbert: Really? What am I thinking right now? Boss: Hmmm... You're wondering how you could be more like me. You admire my leadership, and you write about me in glowing terms in your diary. Dilbert: What diary? Boss: Shhh! I'm still reading you. You have no patience and you don't like to be judged. Dilbert: Okay, that's enough. Boss: Nailed it!
Boss: I can't give you a raise because your financial forecasts were all wrong. Dilbert: Financial forecasts are always wrong. You told me to make one anyway. Boss: In other words, I nailed it and you failed it. Dilbert: Catchy.
CEO: A feature article in the business press called our leadership a "bunch of morons." Boss: To counter that slanderous story, our new market slogan is "We're Not A Bunch Of Morons!" CEO: Problem solved. Boss: It was deceptively easy.
Dilbert: Yesterday I asked for clarification on my assignment. But your clarification sounded nothing like the original assignment. Boss: Sometimes it's good to get a second opinion. Dilbert: Not from the same person.