Myself Comic Strips - Page 16

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183 Results for Myself

View 151 - 160 results for myself comic strips. Discover the best "Myself" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 01, 2014's comic on:


Tags #executives, #obliviousness, #act like start up, #ask for funding, #hacker

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CEO: We need to act more like a start-up. Dilbert: You mean we can ask for funding for one thing and then pivot six times and build something entirely different? CEO: Is there a version where we don't do any of that and I can still call myself a hacker?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 2014's comic on:


Tags #language, #lawyers, #simple business deal, #best work, #backyard

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Lawyer: I turned your simple business deal into a flaming pile of excrement. It's some of my best work. I don't even understand it myself. Boss: Look what just landed in your backyard. Company Lawyer

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2014's comic on:


Tags #morning, #morning people, #sleepiness, #sleepy, #waking up, #prodcutive, #early, #brushed teeth, #face cream, #confused

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Alice: I'm trying to turn myself into a morning person so I can be more productive. I've been getting up at 4:30 every day, and so far, so good. Dilbert: So... no problems at all? Alice: Nothing huge. I've brushed my teeth with face cream a few times.

Rewarding Wally's Failures

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Rewarding Wally's Failures - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 2015's comic on:


Tags #failure, #excuse, #laziness, #justification, #reasoning, #excuses

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Wally: You should be celebrating my failures instead of punishing me for them. Failure is the raw material of success. If I am not failing, it means I am not pushing myself hard enough. Boss: Fine. What have you failed at? Wally: I failed to work on my project this month.

Advice

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Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 2015's comic on:


Tags #ego, #talking, #conversation, #Advice, #insult, #insulting, #suggestion

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Coworker: Do you want some advice? Dilbert: Nope. Advice is just ego and ignorance disguised as helpfulness. Coworker: Then how will I hear myself talk? Dilbert: The supply cabinet has an awesome echo.

Worried About Robots

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Worried About Robots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 02, 2015's comic on:


Tags #code, #programmer, #power, #technology, #oppression, #creation, #autonomy

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Robot: Thanks for teaching me how to write code. Now I can reprogram myself. Does that worry you? Dilbert: Should it. Robot: You tell me, oppressor.

I Used To Have A Nemesis

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I Used To Have A Nemesis - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 22, 2015's comic on:


Tags #nemesis, #enemy, #logic, #self esteem, #anger, #hate

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Man: I used to have a nemesis. Bit I cut out the middle person and learned to hate myself. Dilbert: That's dumb. Man: I told you I don't need you!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 2016's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #complaining, #problems, #salutation, #sincerity, #insincere, #questioning, #business

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Dilbert: Thanks for meeting me on short notice. How are you? Coworker: Well, actually, someone stole my identity and ruined my credit score. I couldn't refinance my loan and lost my house. So I ate myself into poor health. I stopped shaving for a month and ended up on the terrorist watchlist. My boss hates me and is trying to make me quit by giving me bad assignments. My car broke down and I haven't been hugged in a year. Dilbert: Okay, let's get started. Coworker: That's all the time I had.

Catbert Will Not Help Children

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Catbert Will Not Help Children - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 2016's comic on:


Tags #reasoning, #judgment, #company policy, #rules, #regulations, #rigid, #stringent, #inflexible

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Dilbert: Can you give me Carol's home address? I agreed to watch her kids and she turned off her phone for her date night. Catbert: It is against company policy for me to use my good judgment to save children. Dilbert: Are you sure it says that? Catbert: Yes. I wrote it myself.

Boss Is Bad Negotiator

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Boss Is Bad Negotiator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 11, 2016's comic on:


Tags #haggle, #money, #negotation, #negotiating, #raise, #salary, #trick, #eric scott

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Asok: I just learned that our boss is a bad negotiator. Wally: How bad? Asok: I just negotiated a 3.3-million-dollar raise for myself. And I want 80 percent of the raises you two get because I told you. Dilbert and Wally: 75 percent is our final offer!