One Million Comic Strips - Page 16

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View 151 - 160 results for one million comic strips. Discover the best "One Million" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #40 hours, #everyone, #likes asok, #minute old, #new system, #work one computer, #extreme programming

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The Boss says to Wally, Dilbert, Asok, and Alice, "We're going to try something called Extreme Programming." The Boss continues, "First, pick a partner. The two of you will work at one computer for forty hours a week." Dilbert and Alice jump on Asok and cling to him. Wally says, "The new system is a minute old and I already hate everyone."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #extreme programming., #code writing, #team, #tw programmers, #one computer, #productive arrangement, #whistle both nostrils, #saved on harmonicas, #business

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Extreme Programming. Wally and Dilbert are sitting at one computer. The Boss approaches and says, "The two of you will be a code-writing team." The Boss continues, "Studies prove that two programmers on one computer is the most productive arrangement." Dilbert types with a furrowed brow. Wally says, "Sometimes I can whistle through both nostrils. I've saved a fortune in harmonicas."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #body in body, #knife, #one will die, #recommends killing, #save one life only, #one or the other

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Dogbert is standing on a stool. The Boss is sitting across from him; the consultick is still inside The Boss' torso. Dogbert says, "I can either save your life or the consultant's life, but one of you will die." The Boss replies, "Give us a minute to discuss it." The Boss stands and says, "He recommends that you kill me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #decompose, #digits, #million dollars, #planned obsolescene, #upgarde, #upgrade now, #version, #newest software

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Dilbert is meeting with a salesman. The salesman says, "For only a million dollars, you can upgrade to our newest software version." The salesman continues, "Or you can slowly decompose in the miasma of our planned obsolescence." Dilbert says, "We can't afford to upgrade now." The salesman holds up a device and replies, "Say goodbye to the digits three and nine."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #100 hrs a week, #ask for raise, #top secret facilit, #super genius, #resume, #honest, #take one, #know one

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An interviewee says to The Boss, "If you hire me, I'll work a hundred hours a week and never ask for a raise!" The interviewee continues, "I went to school at a top-secret facility for super geniuses; that's why it's not on my resume." The Boss says to Catbert, "And I'm sure it's all true because he says he's honest!" Catbert replies, "Apparently it doesn't take one to know one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management techniques, #existence of books, #which one, #read, #making mad, #trick

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Dilbert raises his hand in a meeting and asks, "Question: How do you know which management technique works best?" Dilbert continues, "Logically, doesn't the existence of thousands of management books show that no one knows what works best?" The Boss responds, "The trick is knowing which one to read." Dilbert responds, "Now you're just making me mad."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #plant watering service, #less expensive one, #plastic plants

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The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "I fired our plant-watering service and hired a less expensive one." The Boss continues, "That's the sort of leadership that will turn this company around." Wally asks, "Were we doing well?" Dilbert says, "Our plants are plastic."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #international sales call, #dress, #one level above customer, #cherub, #lighting bolt, #vatican, #overdress

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "I need you to go on an international sales call." Dilbert asks, "How should I dress?" The Boss responds, "Salespeople should dress one level above the customer." Dilbert is dressed like God. He has a lightning bolt in one hand and a cherub staff in the other. He asks Dogbert, "What's better - the cherub or the lightning bolt?" Dogbert responds, "Take both. You can't overdress at the vatican."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #record loss, #press release, #ceo stepped down, #100 million, #tenure, #shareholders, #bought stock

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Dilbert is working on his computer. Wally is standing behind him. Dilbert says, "Here's the press release about our record loss." Dilbert reads, "The CEO stepped down after earning more than $100 million more than the company itself during his tenure." Dilbert continues reading, "In a message to shareholders, he said, 'Ha ha! Maybe you should have bought stock in me!! Who's your daddy?!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #psychics on televison, #software testing staff, #one medium, #punish them

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"I've noticed that deadd people know a lot. They're always yapping to psychics on television." "We could kill the entire software-testing staff and replace them with one medium." "Do you see any problem with that?" "If the dead people lie, how would we punish them?"