Sold All Stock Comic Strips - Page 16

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

195 Results for Sold All Stock

View 151 - 160 results for sold all stock comic strips. Discover the best "Sold All Stock" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #six sigma program, #doomed, #same consulatant, #worthless progarms, #totally different name

View Transcript

Transcript

"You've got to implement a six sigma program or else you're doomed." "Aren't you the same consultant who sold us the worthless TQM program a few years ago?" "I assure you that this program has a totally, totally different name." "When can we start?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dozen bugs, #bugs in software, #fix for 20k, #defective porduct, #evil euphria, #no choice, #making fortune, #single source tsrategy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert tells a salesman: "We found a dozen bugs in the software you sold us." The salesman answers: "We can fix these bugs for $20,000. Dilbert is shocked: "What?" Dilber says: "You can't charge us to fix you own defective product!" The salesman laughs boisterously. He explains: "Sorry...I was overcome by an evil euphoria." Dilbert says: "I guess we have to pay. We have no choice!" Reaching for his cell-phone, the salesman says: "Excuse me." The salesman speaks into his cell-phone: "Put more bugs in the software! I'm making a fortune out here!" Dilbert thinks: "I'm starting to question our single source strategy."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #investment baker, #hired wesel, #media questions, #stock holders, #good for stcokholders, #parking lot

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Dogbert the Investment Banker. Dogbert introduces a weasel to The Boss, "I hired a weasel to teach you how to answer media questions." The weasel says, "No matter what the reporters ask, always give the same answer 'It will be good for stockholders.'" The Boss is answering media questions. A reporter asks, "Is it true that you ran over a stockholder in the parking lot?" The Boss responds, "It'll be good for him."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new wireless hassock prodcut, #sales people, #work in teams, #wear e;ectroshock, #close the deal

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "We haven't sold a single unit of our new wireless hassock product." "Our plan is to make the sales people work in teams and take turns wearing electroshock pants." "Now close the deal, Cliffy, or it's payback time." "BUY IT!!! BUY IT!!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #target market, #one customer, #10 thousand units, #shop carefully

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: "Our target market is people who don't shop carefully." "Our product is designed to attack the user and force him to reorder." "We only have one customer but we've sold 10,000 units."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO Visits "We bought our competitor and we plan to integrate their product line into ours." "Did anyone tell you that their products are worthless pieces of garbage? Maybe that's why they sold the company." "I mean congratulations."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

Vijay, the world's most desperate venture capitalist "I need a hundred billion to build an ocean city on barges." "Take my money!!! Take it, take it, take it!" "Do I get stock or something?" "How about an insincere wag?" Insincere wag! $ $

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

You're in charge of installing the system that Lyin' John sold to our biggest customer. "Lyin' John neglected to include the network and server in his sale. This is a financial sinkhole." "You take the joy out of delegating."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"Here's the problem: Our salesman, Lyin' John, sold you a system that we can't install without losing money." "I propose that you pay us 40% more than we quoted you in the contract, and everyone wins." "Her body language says she's thinking about it." CRACK!!!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

My new strategy is to hire passionate people instead of smart ones. "I curse the air conditioning system that blows such a cold wind!" "I can already feel our stock price going up."