Ten Billion Dollars Comic Strips - Page 16

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View 151 - 160 results for ten billion dollars comic strips. Discover the best "Ten Billion Dollars" comics from Dilbert.com.

New Loyal Customers

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New Loyal Customers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, meeting, ceo, woke, advertising, dollars, loss, quarter, offend, straight face, botox, annoying

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ceo: our strategy of being annoyingly woke in our ads caused us to have an eight billion dollar loss this quarter. but it was worth it because sometimes you have to offend some of your customers to make the others loyal. dilbert: how did you say that with a straight face? ceo: no one told you about botox?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags newspapers, wages, managers & supervisors, business, money

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Alice says, "I just saw in the news that Google gave an engineer millions of dollars. I'm underpaid!" The Boss says, "I'll speak to our director of human resources and see how I can fix this situation." Alice says, "Really?" The Boss says, "How can we stop news?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, executives, non giant situation, shoulders of giants, non giant, business

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CEO: As your CEO, if I have seen farther, it is only because I stood on the shoulders of giants. Plus whatever is going on over here. Dilbert: That's sort of a non-giant situation. Wally: And I haven't had shoulders since I was ten.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags gadgets, phone heard, phone scheduled meeting, schedule a meeting., secretaries (office), digital world, replaces humans

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Boss: Schedule a meeting with Dilbert and Alice for next Tuesday at ten. Phone: Done. Boss: Never mind. My phone took care of it. Awkward.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags rich people, discrimination stellement, lazy, unscupulous, mirror

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Dilbert: I expected you to quit after you got your billion-dollar discrimination settlement. Wally: Just because I'm lazy and unscrupulous, why would you assume I'm also a quitter? Dilbert: I... um... Wally: I don't know how you look at yourself in the mirror.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conversation, exit strategy, serial talker, infinite unrelated, engineers

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Boss: Talk to Allen about this. Dilbert: I'll need an exit strategy. He's a serial talker. I'll be trapped for hours while he strings together infinite, unrelated stories. Boss: Engineers have weird problems. Dilbert: What could I eat that would make me puke in ten minutes?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computer software, competitor, software, entice people, buy products, freemium startegy, engineering

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Dilbert: Our competitor just bought ten million copies of our software. Boss: Huh? Dilbert: They plan to give it away for free to entice people to buy their own product that has more features. We'll be part of their freemium strategy. Boss: That's just showing off.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meetings, late for meeting, reschedule, 10 minutes, late

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Coworker: I'm sorry I'm a few minutes late for our 10:50 meeting. Wally: We'll have to reschedule because I have another meeting at eleven. Tina: Reschedule? I'm only ten minutes late! Wally: Tell that to my 11:10.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bury, top secret, proprietary, documents, woods, shovel, tied up, mumble

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Boss: I need you to bury some top secret proprietary documents in the woods for me. Man: Mmm mmph. Boss: Come back in ten minutes.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags poetry, poem, monkey, animals

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert asks, "Well? What do you think of my new poem?" Dogbert replies, "I once read that given infinite time, a thousand monkeys with typewriters would eventually write the entire works of Shakespeare." Dilbert asks, "But what about MY poem?" Dogbert replies, "Three monkeys, ten minutes."