Useless Jargon Comic Strips - Page 16

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166 Results for Useless Jargon

View 151 - 160 results for useless jargon comic strips. Discover the best "Useless Jargon" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dogbert Gives Wally A Prescription

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Dogbert Gives Wally A Prescription - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 29, 2017's comic on:


Tags #medicine, #excuse, #doctor, #laziness, #medical

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Wally: I keep falling asleep during meetings. Dogbert: Your problem is that you're useless. I'll give you a doctor's note that says you can sleep during meetings. Wally: You're the best doctor ever. Dogbert: Tell that to the tip jar in the lobby.

View From Thirty Thousand Feet

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View From Thirty Thousand Feet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 2017's comic on:


Tags #distance, #jargon, #managers, #leadership, #buzzwords, #guidance

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Boss: What's the view on this from thirty thousand feet? Alice: From that distance, everything we do is meaningless. Boss: Then how do we know what to do? Alice: I guess we ruled out "leadership."

Explaining Block Chain To Marketing

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Explaining Block Chain To Marketing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2017's comic on:


Tags #jargon, #explanation, #teaching, #language, #education

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Alice: This would be a perfect application for blockchain. Man: I'm in marketing. Can you explain that in terms I can understand? Alice: I kinda doubt it. Man: Because your a bad explainer, right?

Initial Coin Offering

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Initial Coin Offering  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 2017's comic on:


Tags #ico, #cryptocurrency, #bitcoin, #jargon, #language

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Dilbert: Maybe we should do an initial coin offering, or ICO. Boss: What's that? Dilbert: It's a non-equity process for raising capital that uses a custom crypto-currency and the blockchain. I might be wasting my time here. Boss: So... it's a chain made out of coins?

Threatening Wally

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Threatening Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 2017's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #excuse, #threat, #ultimatum

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Woman: Wally, did you finish the data scrub? Wally: No, a defect in my brain made me too lazy. Woman: Perhaps some sort of threat would get you going. Wally: It's worth a try. Woman: Do your work or else I'll tell everyone you're useless! Wally: That would save me a lot of time.

Worthless Financial Projections

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Worthless Financial Projections - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 29, 2017's comic on:


Tags #money, #finances, #big business, #projection, #prediction, #guessing, #estimate

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Dilbert: Here's the financial projection you asked me to do. It's basically just guessing plus math. Obviously, it's useless for making decisions because I can get any result I want by tweaking the assumptions. Boss: Don't say any of that stuff when you present it to the board tomorrow.

Deducing Rank

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Deducing Rank - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 2018's comic on:


Tags #hierarchy, #rank, #marketing, #jargon, #lingo, #adspeak, #business

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Dilbert: I don't know how to answer your question because I got here late and I haven't deduced your rank in the company. Woman: I'm the new director of Marketing, so you need to pretend my question makes sense. Dilbert: Give me a minute to get into that mindset. Woman: Take your time.

Dumb Question

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Dumb Question - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 20, 2018's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #questioning, #dumb question, #stupidity, #jargon, #language, #lingo

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Boss: I'm not an engineer, so this might be a dumb question. But why can't we 3-D print a blockchain and HTML it into a bitcoin? Dilbert: Alice can answer that. Alice: I quit.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #manipulation, #fear, #tactic, #ignorance, #jargon, #language

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Woman: I need help persuading your boss to bless my project. Should I use facts and logic? Dilbert: No, he hates that stuff. Woman: Maybe I could appeal to his better angels? Dilbert: His better angels wear noise-canceling headphones. Woman: Okay, fine. I'll just appeal to his self-interest. Dilbert: It would be in his best interest to avoid people like you. Woman: What do you suggest? Dilbert: We've had good outcomes using his ignorance and fear. Woman: Sign this ore else a blockchain drone will kill you in your sleep. Boss: Where's my pen!

Our Api

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Our Api - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 2018's comic on:


Tags #hackers, #hacking, #api, #jargon, #obliviousness, #language

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Narrator: Dogbert The Reporter. Dogbert: How did hackers get access to your customer data? CEO: I'm told they used something called "our A.P.I." to suck out all the data. Dogbert: I'll just say you'er stupid. CEO: Why does everyone always say that?