Search Results for "low cost"
Share September 06, 1992's comic on:
Dilbert stands in front of an overhead projector. He says, ". . . Therefore, I recommend that we switch to the new technology . . . Any questions?" A man sitting at the conference table asks, "Dilbert, are you willing to bet your career on this?" Dilbert replies, "Yes, I would definitely bet my career." Dilbert continues, "You would too if you had MY career." Dilbert places a transparency on the projector and says, "I have a view graph which anticipated your question." Dilbert points to the diagram and says, "This chart tracks my declining sense of self-worth as my career progresses." Dilbert continues, "At the low-point, here, I'm reduced to answering imbecilic questions while pointing a little stick at the wall." Dilbert arrives at home and Dogbert asks, "How did the presentation go?" Dilbert replies, "There's such a thing as being too prepared."
Share July 07, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert and Dogbert walk through the park. Dilbert is wearing a jogging suit and holds a Frisbee. He says, "I hate it when the title of a book gives away the whole plot." Dilbert throws the Frisbee. He says, "Take Hemingway's "Old Man and the Sea." Geez, talk about leaving nothing to the imagination." The Frisbee lies on the ground. Dilbert says, "I guess the odds were very low that you would leap in the air and catch that." Dogbert replies, "I'm only here to be a chick magnet."
Share January 05, 1998's comic on:
Dilbert says, "Did you go for a walk at lunch?" The Boss is wearing an over coat. He says, "Not exactly." The Boss hangs his coat on a caot rack and says, "I got a bomb threat. I didn't tell anyone else, just in case it was a hoax. Dilbert says, "It was only yesterday that I was saying my morale couldn't be any lower." The Boss sits behind his desk and says, "I bought a lottery ticket to increase the potential irony."
Share February 06, 1998's comic on:
Catbert sits on Wally's desk holding some papers and says, "The company knows everything about you, Wally." Catbert looks in Wally's file and says, "We have logs of all you phone calls, web hits, and e-mail. We have your urine test, college grades, salary and family contacts..." Catbert says, "It's against our policy to kill employees and replace them with low paid impersonators, but I wanted you to know it's feasible."
Share January 03, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert sees a sign that says, "Free therapy." Dilbert asks a woman at a desk, "Why is it free?" The woman replies, "Our therapists are first year psychology students." Dilbert says, "What have I got to lose?" Dilbert lies on a couch and says, "Sometimes I have low self-esteem . . ." A student sits in a chair taking notes. The man says, "Your problem is that you're ugly. You should drink beer until you feel handsome." Dilbert says, "I thought you would say something about my mother." The man replies, "Good point. Your mother should drink beer too. She's probably as ugly as you." Dilbert walks by the reception desk and says, "You're over-priced." The woman replies, "Ooh, 'Mister Low Self-Esteem' is unhappy."
Share June 13, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert stands in a shoe store. A salesperson asks, "Can I help you?" Dilbert tells the salesman, "I oppose the slaughter of helpless animals. Do you have any shoes that aren't made of leather?" The man replies, "Yeah, but they would make you look like a twit." Dilbert says, "Well, forget that. Do you have any shoes made in this country?" The salesman replies, "Yeah, but they cost more." Dilbert says, "Okay, forget that. Just show me some shoes that weren't made with slave labor." The man says, "We charge a premium for no-slave shoes." Dilbert replies, "Well, forget that." Dilbert arrives at home with a shoebox. Dogbert asks, "How much did you sell your soul for?" Dilbert answers, "Forty bucks and a little shine cloth."
Share July 11, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert bends over tying his shoelace. He tells Dogbert, "Maybe I'm unlucky in love because I'm so knowledgeable about science that I intimidate people." Dilbert continues, "Their intimiidation becomes low self-esteem, then they reject me to protect their egos." Dogbert says, "Occam's razor." They walk through the park. Dilbert asks, "What is 'Occam's razor'?" Dogbert answers, "A guy named Occam had a rule about the world." Dogbert continues, "Basically, he said that when there are multiple explanations for something, the simplest explanation is usually correct." They sit down on some rocks. Dogbert continues, "The simplest explanation for your poor love life is that you're immensely unattractive." Dilbert says, "Maybe Occam had another rule that specifically exempted this situation, but his house burned down with all his notes. Then he forgot." Dogbert says, "Occam's razor." Dilbert asks, "I'm an idiot?" Dogbert replies, "I don't think we can rule it out at this point."
Share April 27, 1998's comic on:
Banner reading "Dogbert the Consultant" appears across top of page. Dogbert sitting in front of The Boss. Dogbert says, "I cab give you excellent advice for $50,000 per month." Dogbert sitting in chair continues, "If budget is a problem, I also offer bad advice for the low price of $45,000 per month." Dilbert and Alice watch as The Boss runs past their cubicle with scissors in hand. Alice says, "That's not a good sign."
Share November 30, 1998's comic on:
Alice sits at the computer. The Boss hands her a rock. The boss says, "Alice, you're the first recipient of the motivational "stone of quality"." The boss says, "It cost a thousand dollars to have it engraved. It's my way of saying "thanks"." The boss lies on the floor with a large bump on his head. Two cops lean over him. Alice peers around the corner. One of the cops, "There's no weapon, but I found this cool motivational rock."
Share December 18, 1994's comic on:
The caption says, "Dogbert teaches business math." Dogbert points to a diagram of an equation. A picture of Wally, Dilbert and Alice illustrates the equation, "Grunts equals zero." The caption says, "#1. Any job that can be done by two people . . ." The Boss stands behind two people. The caption continues, ". . . Can be done by one person for half the cost." The Boss yanks one of the workers out of his chair. The caption says, "#2. A bonus today is worth more than . . ." The Boss holds a large bag of money. The caption continues, ". . . The whole company tomorrow." An office building has a closed sign on it. The caption says, "#3. Your expense requirements for December can be calculated . . ." The Boss sits at his desk writing on a piece of paper. The caption continues, ". . . By taking what's left in the budget and multiplying by one." A delivery person asks the Boss, "Giraffe goes where?" Dogbert says, "Next week, a doctor with a flashlight shows us where sales projections come from."