Done Forevre Comic Strips - Page 17

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View 161 - 170 results for done forevre comic strips. Discover the best "Done Forevre" comics from Dilbert.com.

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"Asok, you've done a good job this quarter so I'm going to toss a little non-monetary compensation your way." "Tell me some boring story about your life and I'll pretend to enjoy it." "And the story should involve pirates. Go."

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I find it rather demotivating that you never praise me for a job well done. "You've never done a job well." "That's because I'm demotivated." "You have to go first." "Wouldn't that make me the leader?"

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And that's why I recommend using this process. The Office Nemesis "Have you done a cost-benefit analysis for every conceivable option?" "Safety violation! Safety violation!"

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I can monitor the company's key metrics from my executive dashboard. "Uh-oh. I need to do a better job of falsifying my data." "Allow me to set the stage for your next assignment by reminding you that stockholders have never done anything for you."

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Tags #simulation, #productivity, #workforce, #pandemic

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The Boss: Run a simulation of our productivity if we lost half our workforce to a pandemic. Dilbert: "Should I assume we lose the productive people or the people who ask other people to run pandemic simulations?" The Boss: "Try both ways?" Dilbert: "Okay. I'm done."

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Tags #password recovery, #morons, #forgot password, #nostrildogmas, #messed password, #psychic

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Dogbert's password recovery service for morons Ned: I done forgot my password. Dogbert: What's your name? Ned: My name is Ned, I think. Is your password 'Ned'? Ned: Sweet baby jeepers, you're like some sort of Nostrildogmas!" Dogbert: Here's a brochure for my cult.

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"We have a squatter problem." "We must make our empty cubicles appear occupied or else we'll lose them to other departments." "When we're done hosing our own company, can we start hosing the competition?" "Our customers are next."

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"When you're done researching new technology, I want you to inventory our furniture." "When do you think you'll be done?" "When will you forget you asked me, and assign the furniture project to someone else?" "Two weeks." "I'll be done in 15 days."

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"Asok, I need you to create a PowerPoint presentation that will save our department from being eliminated." "You must quantify the unquantifiable. And that can only be done by a process that I call lying." "Lying is a process?" "It can be, if you use enough slides."

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Tags #computer software, #managers & supervisors, #budget, #work monitoring software, #calendar, #year 2040, #square boxes, #business

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Boss: I don't have a budget for the network monitoring software you need, so you'll have to write it yourself. Dilbert: Good plan. I'll check back with you when I'm done doing that. What's your calendar look like in the year 2040? Boss: Sort of a grid with square boxes.