Freak Out Comic Strips - Page 17

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View 161 - 170 results for freak out comic strips. Discover the best "Freak Out" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conversation, language, positive feel, power cables, insulated

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Boss: Avoid saying "unfortunately" when you talk to customers. Say instead, "as it turns out." That has a more positive feel. Dilbert: As it turns out, our power cables aren't as insulated as we had hoped.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags commerce, competition (psychology), hate new product, customers, fake revenue projections, engineer, stronger company, engineering

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Dilbert: If consumers hate our new product, we will probably go out of business. If they love our new product, a stronger company will enter the space and drive us out of business. CEO: Tell the engineer to stop making me sad. Boss: I have some fake revenue projections to cheer you up.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags angry rich guy, buy small companies, mergers & acquisitions, obscenely profitable, prosperity, suck good will, universally despised

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CEO: Our company is obscenely profitable but universally despised. Our plan is to buy a smaller and more popular company, take their name, and suck out their goodwill like a monkey on an orange. Please welcome their founder, Bradley. He's the angriest rich guy you'll ever meet.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, office workers, worked at home, work tonight, leaving early, work late, business

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Boss: Leaving early? Dilbert: If you count the two hours I worked at home when I woke up, and the two hours I'll work tonight you'll come out way ahead today. Boss: How will I come out if you do all of that plus work late here?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags despair, meetings, six variables, 4 imbeciles, brilliant engineer, complexity algorithm, rational deciosn, brilliant career

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Dilbert: Okay, this next decision involves six variables, four imbeciles, and one brilliant engineer. According to the Dogbert complexity algorithm, it is impossible to make a rational decision in this situation. All in favor of giving up? Boss: I found out I'm a brilliant engineer.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conversation, discussion, internet & world wide web, humor consultant, have more fun, internet access to entertainment, funny comment

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Boss: I hired a humor consultant to teach us how to have more fun at work. Dilbert: Does he cancel out the consultant you hired to filter our Internet access to entertainment? Wally: That was a funny comment. How'd you do that without a consultant?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boredom, business ethics, boost morale, pretending to be intereted, overkill, unemployement, brain, fallout, yawn hole

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Boss: I'm here to boost your morale by pretending to be interested in you as a human being. But it's probably overkill since unemployment is around 9% and you're not likely to quit. Dilbert: Still, it's nice to... Boss: That's enough! I don't want my brain to fall out of my yawn hole.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags commerce, service business, unmotivated sales guy, slides are blank, compelling reason, no commission work, budget issues

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Unmotivated sales guy Man: My slides are blank because no one told me what our product does. And I don't have a compelling reason to find out because I don't work on commission. If anyone asks why you didn't place an order, would you mind saying you have budget issues?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags frustration, gadgets, smartphone interface rage, perfect storm, bad interface design, chubby fingers, poor signal strenth, smashing phone, frustrated, can't survive, lesser of two eveils

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Dilbert: Whoa! Watch out. I've read about this. It's called smartphone interface rage. It's caused by the perfect storm of bad interface design, chubby fingers, and poor signal strength. He'll get so frustrated that he'll consider smashing his phone. Then he'll realize he can't survive without his phone and he'll be twice as frustrated. We have to do something. Wally: Run as fast as you can into the wall! It will take your mind off of your phone! Sometimes the best you can hope for is that the lesser of two evils is the funny one.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags excitement, gloating, awesome bob, dry cleaner, flying wing suit

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Boss: I'm excited because I have a meeting in a few minutes with Awesome Bob. Everything he does is just a little bit more awesome than what anyone else does. Carol: He's running late because the dry cleaner couldn't get the sushi stains out of his flying wingsuit. Boss: AWESOME!