Raise Hand Comic Strips - Page 17
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511 Results for Raise Hand
View 161 - 170 results for raise hand comic strips. Discover the best "Raise Hand" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday June 07,
2011
Tags public speaking, financial model, complicated, formula errors, management, figures support, schemes for career development, life is ridiculous
Transcript
Man: My financial model in Excel is so complicated that I assume it's riddled with formula errors. But that's okay because management only uses the results when the figures support their schemes for career advancement. Uh-oh. I just realized that my life is ridiculous. Boss: Do you have hand-outs?
Thursday June 23,
2011
Tags crimes, internet & world wide web, black hat, websites ranking, search engine, unethical, near certainty, loserish, talking
Transcript
Boss: I want you to use "black hat" methods to raise our website's ranking on search engines. Dilbert: What do you like best about that idea - the fact that it's unethical or the near certainty of getting caught? Boss: That's sort of a loserish thing to say. Dilbert: Talking doesn't work for people like me.
Saturday July 30,
2011
Tags exercise & fitness, office workers, using company gym, 60 hrs week, paying for itself
Transcript
Boss: Ted, I can't give you a raise because you've been using the company gym during work hours. Ted: I work sixty hours a week! Why did we build a new gym if I'm not supped to use it?? Boss: You were right. That gym is totally paying for itself.
Friday January 13,
2012
Tags business failures/bankruptcies, saving & investment, raises, debt crisis, economic uncertainty, board of directors, stock options, money
Transcript
Boss: I can't give you a raise because the Elbonian debt crisis has created economic uncertainty. Luckily for us, our board of directors granted our CEO more stock options so he won't leave during uncertain times. Dilbert: What happens when the uncertainty ends? Boss: Then he'll exercise stock options.
Tuesday March 20,
2012
Tags fast forward, phone, playing, time machine, time travel
Transcript
Dilbert: My phone is like a time machine. I can fast-forward through the boring parts of life by playing with it. Dogbert: Hand it over. Time flies when I'm not having fun.
Friday May 25,
2012
Tags boredom, meetings, topic, insincere input, virtulaize, process, cloud
Transcript
Wally: I remember a time when I had to listen to the topic at hand before adding my insincere input. I think we should virtualize the process and move it to the cloud. Boss: Hey, that's a great idea! Wally: Now it's just all too easy.
Friday April 21,
1989
Tags dog, invention, feed, animals
Transcript
Dilbert hands a pair of glasses to Dogbert and says, "My new invention screens out all unpleasant sights. Try it." Dogbert puts on the goggles. Dilbert asks, "Well, what do you think?" Dogbert asks, "Who said that?" Dilbert replies, "The hand that used to feed you."
Saturday April 29,
1989
Saturday June 17,
1989
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert hold tennis rackets. Dogbert says, "Experts say that when you have mastered the mental game, the ball will appear to grow larger." Dilbert holds a tiny ball in his hand. Dilbert replies, "Okay, but I still think these balls are not regulation size." Dogbert says, "Probably just a reflection of your lack of confidence." Dogbert walks away and says, "Three moth balls and a good story are more effective than years of lessons."
Tuesday September 05,
1989
Tags Dilbert, cashier, celebration dance
Transcript
Dilbert walks through the cafeteria holding a tray of food. Dilbert thinks, "Oh no, not this cashier again. She always hands back my change right over my soda. I just know she's trying to make me drop a dime in my drink." Dilbert stands at the cashier and waves his hand over his drink saying, "No! No! No!" The cashier thinks, "Fake left . . ." Dilbert says as he eats his lunch, "It's not the coins in the soda that get me; it's that darned celebration dance she does."


