Software Comic Strips - Page 17

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298 Results for Software

View 161 - 170 results for software comic strips. Discover the best "Software" comics from Dilbert.com.

Backdoor Into Self Driving Car Code

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Backdoor Into Self Driving Car Code  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags government, back door, self driving, software, kill terrorits, traitor, engineering

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Dilbert: Im uncomfortable with letting the government have a back door into our sled driving car software. The Boss: You worry too much, They'll only use it to kill terrorists and traitors. Dilbert: I think I might disable it and not tell them. The Boss: Traitor

Ted Dies By Software

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Ted Dies By Software - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags self-driving cars, technology, bug, program, programming, morals, ethics

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Wally: Our self-driving car went off a cliff with Ted in it. Did you tweak the software to make that happen? Dilbert; No, that was a bug. Wally: Was it a known bug? Dilbert: Now we're getting into a gray area.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, google, data center, software, fix, agile

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Dilbert: I put together a plan for our data center project. The Boss: We don't need a plan we're an agile company. It's better to move fast and fix our mistakes as we go. Dilbert: You're thinking of software. Where the cost of mistakes is low, this is a construction project. The Boss: That data center will be full of software, will it not? Dilbert: Yes, but... The Boss: Don't be afraid of change. Dilbert: What if I rapidly make a plan and tell you I didn't? Is that agile enough for you? The Boss: I'll need to google that.

Criminal Does Tech Support

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Criminal Does Tech Support - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Dilbert, market, competitive, career, criminal, internal, tech support, passwords, software, justice, fist

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Dilbert: I know the job market is highly competitive, but was it really a good idea to hire a career criminal? The Boss: Relax. He's just doing internal tech support. Paul: I'll need all of your passwords to update your software. Alice: Have you met my fist of justice?

Robot Upgrade

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Robot Upgrade - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, robot, upgrade, software, robots, fleshy

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Dilbert: I'm going to upgrade your software to make you more human. Robot: That's stupid you should upgrade yourself to be more like robots. We're the best. Dilbert: Sounds like you already got the upgrade. Robot: Don't flatter yourself fleshy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, test, scripts, software, project, hardware, tests, version, final, release, volunteering, testing, player

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The Boss: I need someone to run some test scripts on the new software. Dilbert: I can do that my project is on hold until the new hardware arrives. The Boss: Great, I'll need you to run the same tests on every version until final release. Dilbert: Um... I was only volunteering to do it once it isn't my job to do all the testing. The Boss: Too late. You're the test script guy now. Dilbert: You're adding an entirely new job to my existing job! The Boss: Don't you want to be a team player? Dilbert: Of course I do. The Boss: Good. I just put you on the losing team.

Bad Mouthing Ted's Code

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Bad Mouthing Ted's Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, computer software, engineering, managers & supervisors, office workers, sarcasm, technology

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Boss: I want you to take over Ted's software upgrade. Can you finish that in a week? Dilbert: Are you kidding? It will take a week just to bad-mouth his existing code to everyone within walking distance. Boss: Is that part necessary? Dilbert: Like water to a fish.

Complaining About Ted

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Complaining About Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complaining, computer software, engineering, office, office workers

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Dilbert: I took over Ted's software project. Everything he did was inefficient and stupid. Okay, we're done here. I'm checking you off my list. Alice: How many people are you complaining to? Dilbert: I trimmed the list to three hundred.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computer software, computers, intelligence, technology, trick, humans

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Dilbert: I created a simulated world made entirely of software. I programmed all of the people in the simulation to think they are real people with free will. Dogbert: Are they sentient beings? Dilbert: They think they are. Dogbert: What if they discover their true nature? Dilbert: I programmed limits into their physics so they can never observe the walls of their reality. For example, they can't get to the edge of their universe because they can't exceed the speed of light. And they can't find out what they are made of because, to them, it looks like probability at the quantum level. Dogbert: Wouldn't those limits tip of the smart ones? Dilbert: I coded them to not trust smart people.

Small Managers

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Small Managers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, business, computer software, engineering, frustration, office workers, sarcasm, clients

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Boss: I told a customer we would make a small change to the software for them. Dilbert: There are no small software changes, only small managers. Boss: Dang it! Why does that sound so wise!