Television News Comic Strips - Page 17

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

248 Results for Television News

View 161 - 170 results for television news comic strips. Discover the best "Television News" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags armchair, computer, Dilbert, phone, pounds, release, skiis, alpine ski machine

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in his chair watching television. An announcer says, ". . . A revolutionary fitness discovery!" The announcer continues, "Melt pounds away with the 'Alpine Ski Machine.'" The announcer concludes, "No exercise required." Dilbert leaves the chair. Dilbert holds the telephone to his ear as the announcer says, "Dial 1-800 . . ." Dilbert accepts a package delivery. Dilbert stands in a pair of skis. He thinks, "I can't imagine how this melts away the pounds." Dilbert bends over and thinks, "Uh-oh . . . I can't reach the release." Dilbert reaches for the refrigerator but the skis lock his feet in place.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, neighbor, loud, obnoxious, again, electrionic, systems, computer, telephone, stereo, garage, door, theromostat, science, glass, neighborhood, immediately

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk with Dogbert. Dogbert says, "Our neighbor is being loud and obnoxious again." Loud music plays next door and someone shouts, "Party!!" Dilbert replies, "Not for long. I'm going to override his home electronic systems with my computer." Dilbert continues, "I can control his television, microwave, telephone, stereo, garage door and thermostat." Dilbert appears in the neighbor's tv and says, "Attention! Attention! Obnoxious neighbor!!" Dilbert says into a microphone, "I am Dilbert. I have control over your life-support systems." Dilbert continues, "I will cut off your heat, entertainment and cooking appliances . . ." Dilbert continues, "Unless you pack up and leave the neighborhood immediately." Dogbert shouts, "He's trying to enroll in a computer science class!" Dilbert says, "The fool! It's much too late for that."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, karate, real, life, male, daydream, sequence, tought, nobody, else

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit in the chair watching tv. On the television program, there is a whack and someone grunts. Dogbert says, "On television you can knock a person out with one karate chop." Dogbert continues, "Just think how useful that could be in real life." The caption says, "Male daydream sequence." Dilbert stands in a line thinking, "This movie line is too long." Dogbert karate chops the man in front of him. Dogbert knocks down the next man in line. The first person in line screams as Dogbert knocks him down. Dogbert stands at the ticket booth. He thinks, "I'm glad nobody else thought of that first."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, hook, vcr, instructions, connect, cables, electrical, engineer

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Come help me hook up my new VCR, Dogbert." Dilbert kneels next to the television and says, "You read the instructions and I'll connect the cables." Dogbert reads, "'Connect the 300 Ohm twin-lead flat cable to the 75 Ohm RF2 jack.'" Dilbert looks confused. Dogbert continues to read, "'Or use the optional 75 Ohm co-axial cable with the F type connector.'" Dilbert thinks, "Good Lord, I'm an electrical engineer and I don't understand any of this." Dilbert thinks, "I'll have to lie to the other engineers and say I don't WANT to record tv shows." Dogbert reads, "'Now, strip naked, cover your body with motor oil and run through town yelling walla-walla-walla.'" Dilbert says, "Let me see that." Dogbert reads, "'Step six: Do not doubt the nice dog.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new compensation, bonuses paid, top ten percent, resigned bitter disgust, get better jobs

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "The company announced a new compensation plan today. Bonuses will be paid only to the top ten percent of the employees." The Boss continues, "In related news, 89% of the employees resigned in bitter disgust. The top ten percent also left, realizing they could get better jobs elsewhere." The Boss concludes, "This could have an impact on those of you who remain." Wally asks, "We get the bonuses?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, hr director, employee oreinetation, glimmer, mandatory training video

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert stands behind Wally's desk and says, "I've come to give you 'employee orientation,' Wally." Wally says, "But I've worked here for years." Catbert says, "You still have a glimmer of hope. You'll have to watch this mandatory training video." Wally sits in front of a television and VCR. The video begins, "So, you still have hope . . ." Catbert massages Wally's temples and says, "Relax . . . Let it go."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags phil, ruler of heck, patented exerspoon, seven million, exercises, innovative spoon shape

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits on a chair watching television. A voice from the tv says, "This is Phil, Ruler of Heck, with a special offer for my patented 'Exerspoon.'" In the commercial, Phil holds his spoon between his thighs and says, "You can do over seven million exercises with the 'Exerspoon.'" It even trims problem areas!" Phil continues, "And thanks to the innovative spoon shape, storage is a breeze!" The commercial shows a man and women in a bed, sleeping in the spoon position with the Exerspoon.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dogcart institure, advanced thinking, ending pverty, televison, wretched lives, paid guests, straggler cops

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands on a desk chair and tells Dilbert, "Here in the 'Dogbert Institute for Advanced Thinking,' I have devised a plan for ending poverty." Dogbert continues, "My plan is to wait until there are so many talk shows on television that all the people with wretched lives can be paid guests." Dilbert asks, "What about the poor people who don't want to be on talk shows?" Dogbert replies, "We'll get the stragglers on 'Cops.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boost morale, more reviews, hear employees, 300% more criticism, working in box

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Good news, Alice. I'm going to have quarterly performance reviews to boost morale." Alice stands in her cubicle and replies, "Wow! In addition to working sixteen hours a day in this big box, now I'll get 300% more criticism!" The Boss says, "I'll have a chance to hear employee concerns four times a year." Alice says, "I assume comprehension will remain on the bicentennial plan."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dying comapny, fully understand, stock rose, boneheaded, competitive edge

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss tells Dilbert and Wally, "In today's news, our company has decided to buy another dying company in a business we don't fully understand." The Boss continues, "Our stock rose five points on the announcement." Wally asks Dilbert, "Why does our stock go up every time we do something boneheaded?" Dilbert replies, "I like to think of it as our competitive advantage."