Catbert Comic Strips - Page 17

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

655 Results for Catbert

View 161 - 170 results for Catbert comic strips. Discover the best "Catbert" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags praised alice, lying, stealing.no choice, promote, management

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Catbert, "I inadvertently gave Alice verbal praise." Catbert asks, "Is she addicted?" The Boss says, "She's been lying and stealing to get more." Catbert replies, "She leaves us no choice." The Boss says to Alice, "I have to promote you to management."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags incompetent vp, fired, fvaor, laugh, resignation, announcement, terse, incompetence, ambiguaous, meaning

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert says to Fred, "Fred, you're an incompetent VP. You're fired." Fred asks, "May I ask for one favor?" Catbert says, "Sure. I could use a laugh." Fred says, "Please don't make my resignation announcement terse." Fred continues, "If it's terse, everyone will know I was fired for incompetence." Catbert smiles an ugly smile and Fred asks, "Does that smile mean you'll do what I ask?" Catbert says, "I'm sorry if that was ambiguous. Let me try again." Catbert smiles an even bigger ugly smile and Fred says, "I'm still not getting your meaning." Dilbert sits at his computer and reads a memo which says, "Re: Fred. Career dead."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags reduce staff, almost worked to death, ted

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert says to The Boss, "We need to reduce staff by twenty." Catbert shows a list to The Boss and says, "Here's a list of the people you've a-l-m-o-s-t worked to death." The Boss, carrying a piece of paper, says to Ted, "I have another project for you... Uh... Ted." A frightened-looking Ted exclaims, "Aack!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dental plan, golden handcuffs, prickly panties, retain best employess, bowl of candy

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert says to Wally, "We try to retain our best employees by giving them 'golden handcuffs.'" Catbert continues saying to Wally, "The rest of you will experience our other program, the one I call 'Prickly Panties.'" Wally, holding a large bowl, says to Dilbert, "Then he gave me a huge bowl of candy." Dilbert, pointing to his computer monitor, says, "Hey, they cut our dental plan again!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags job interview, Advice, juggling, items, confident, desk items

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert asks Catbert, "Do you have any advice for my job interview?" Catbert says to Dilbert, "Try juggling the items on his desk. It will make you seem confident." The interviewer has been knocked senseless in his desk chair. Dilbert, holding various desk items in his hands, says, "Sorry."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil hr director, five years expereince, job interview, no profit, dot com president, Catbert

View Transcript

Transcript

CATBERT: EVIL H.R. DIRECTOR: A man sitting across the desk from Catbert says, "... And I have five years experience as a dot-com president." The man listens as Catbert says, "You're in luck. We need someone who can burn through twenty million dollars without making a profit." Catbert grins widely as the man says, "Really? The last nine interviewers said the same thing but they were joking."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hardening, given more work, central nervous system, suddenly stiff, ripening asok, apathy cream, air hole

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Catbert, "Would you like to join me for a hardening?" Catbert asks, "What's that?" The Boss explains, "A hardening is when an employee is given more work than his central nervous system can handle." The Boss holds his arms out stiffly and says, "His whole body suddenly goes stiff." Catbert says, "I'm in." The Boss says, "I've been ripening Asok all month." Catbert says, "Purrr purrr." The Boss and Catbert look at Asok as he sits as his computer and thinks to himself, "So much work... no time." The Boss, handing Asok a piece of paper, says, "Asok, I have another assignment for you." Asok responds, "Gaaa!!!" Wally and Dilbert peer over Asok's cubicle. Wally says, "I heard a hardening. Get the Apathy Cream." A solid mask of Apathy Cream has been applied to Asok's face. Wally says, "He'll be okay when the apathy sinks in." Dilbert says, "We forgot the air hole."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags 401k, run that far, 10k wheelchair race, whip marks

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert asks The Boss, "Why aren't you signed up for the 401K?" The Boss says to Catbert, "I'd never be able to run that far." The Boss says to Catbert, "I did a 10K wheelchair race once. The guy who pushed me still has whip marks."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags mandatory lunchtime meetings, life work balance, high five, Catbert

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert and the boss are sitting at a table. Catbert says, "How about mandatory lunchtime meetings?" The boss says, "On the subject of Work-Life Balance!" The boss and Catbert high five each other. Wally and Dilbert peek over a cubicle divider at the the boss, whose hand is bandaged. Wally says, "Uh-oh. He's been high-fiving Catbert again."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cubicle, sucking life force, happening faster, life suck 3000, machine, evil catbert

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is standing in front of the boss's desk. Dilbert says, "My cubicle is sucking the life force out of me." Dilbert continues, "I mean, it always has, but it seems like it's happening faster now." The boss approaches Catbert who is at the controls of a large machine called "LifeSuck 3000". The boss says, "They noticed."