Death Comic Strips - Page 17

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

234 Results for Death

View 161 - 170 results for death comic strips. Discover the best "Death" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags death & dying, death certificate, staple on head, no return messages

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: You haven't returned any of my messages, so I took the liberty of making a death certificate for you. I'll just staple it to the back of your head so everyone can see it. Are we good here?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, meetings, more assertive, wishing death, dial back, shouting, miserable

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Asok, I need to teach you to be more assertive in meetings. Asok: You're a miserable human being and I hope you die in a long, painful way! Boss: Dial it back a little. Asok: I hope you die quickly?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags fear, change is good, don't fear change, sickness and death, alarming symptoms

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do not fear change because change is good. Dilbert: Actually, studies show that any big changes in a person's life vastly increase the odds of sickness and death. Wally: Are you trying to kill us? Dilbert: I can't feel my arm!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags death & dying, internet & world wide web, extreme sports, basejump, space station, machine learning, inetrnational

View Transcript

Transcript

Computer: Based on your internet history, you might be dumb enough to enjoy extreme sports. Click here to buy a ticket to base jump from the International Space Station. Boss: I think the internet is trying to kill me. Dilbert: We call it "machine learning."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, fired, programming code, undocumented, passwords, death spiral, huge raise

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, you have accomplished none of your goals. I have to let you go. Wally: Actually, I accomplished a lot. I spent the past ten years creating a tangle of undocumented programming code. Every one of our major systems is linked to it. If I don't enter a password every day, the entire company will go into a technology death spiral. If you value your job, you'll give me a huge raise and dance on this table like a monkey!!! Boss: Let's call it a tie. Wally: Yeah, I'm good with that.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, employees, violence, contradcited, meeting, fist of death, robots, no legal rights, cardio, oiled my pan, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: You contradicted me in a meeting today and I didn't appreciate it. I'm no allowed to use my fist of death on humans, but you robots have no legal rights. It's not personal. This is how I get my cardio. Robot: I just oiled my pan.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complaining, fear, opinion of plan, rip off arms, track down family, kill family, india, Advice, giving advice

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I'm afraid to give Alice my opinion of her plan. Dilbert: What's the worst thing that could happen? Asok: She could rip off both of my arms and beat me to death with them. Then she could track down my family in India and kill them one by one. Is this your first time giving advice? Dilbert: I just figured out why no one ever asks for it.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags afterlife, death & dying, zombie, truth about afterlife, projecting, curiosity

View Transcript

Transcript

Wulf: I was Schrodinger's cat back in the day. That's why I'm alive and dead at the same time. I know the truth about the afterlife because my dead half told my living half all about it. Do you want to know what happens? Wally: Stop projecting your curiosity on me.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags apathy, death & dying, distress, rearrange bits, already dead

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: All I did this week was rearrange bits on the Internet. I had no real impact on the physical world. I can't rule out the possibility that I'm already dead and I don't know it. Okay, still an open question.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags death & dying, negotiating, work ethic, raise, workload, incentive, work harder, disgruntled, no meaning, dreams lie broken

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: If you finish your project in twelve months, I'll give you a five percent raise. Dilbert: I would gladly give up five percent of my future pay to avoid a doubling of my workload. Boss: You don't understand. I'm giving you an incentive to work harder. Dilbert: No, I'm pretty sure you're charging me five percent of my future pay to sit here and feel disgruntled. And it's working. I hate you more than ever and I no longer find meaning in my work My dreams lie broken and empty beneath the ruins of my optimism. Boss: I can't tell if your negotiating or dying. Dilbert: It's a little of both.