Don't Like Attitude Comic Strips - Page 17
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Dilbert: What's that noise? Dogbert: It sounds like a rat, escaped from a nearby laboratory, chewing a hole through our front door to avoid sure death from a hideous macaroni-and-cheese-experiement. Dilbert: That's amazing. Dogbert: These babies aren't just for good looks, you know.
Lab rat: Greetings, dog. I've come to live in your house and escape from my job at the laboratory. You could think of me as a political exile seeking sanctuary in a friendly embassy. Dogbert: I could think of you as a rat. Lab rat: Okay, but I don't expect any special treatment.
Lab Rat: I wasn't getting any respect at the lab... I felt used. Sure... The food was good-and lots of it... But I don't think the professor valued me as an individual. And a rat without respect is like... Like... Dogbert: Like you.
Dogbert sits on the hassock humming to himself. A man wearing a Viking helmet approaches Dogbert and says, "Greetings, Dogbert, I am the God of Thunder." Dogbert looks startled and says, "Yip!" The man repeats, "I am Thor!!" Dogbert says, "Take some athpirin." Thor reads a list and says, "We're looking for some new Norse gods to update our image. Your name came up." Thor continues, "It's the same way I got started. I worked my way up from God of Static Cling." Dogbert reads the list and says, "Hmm . . . 'God of Velcro' looks interesting." Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock with a towel wrapped around him. Dogbert says, "Don't laugh. I put your name in for God of Mayonnaise."
Bob and Dawn the Dinosaurs sit on the floor playing cards. Dogbert says to Ratbert, "Let me introduce you to our dinosaurs, Bob and Dawn." Dawn screams, "Eeeek!! A mouse!" and jumps into the air. Ratbert says, "Not a mouse, a rat!!" Dawn says, "Oops. Sorry. You kinda look like a mouse." Ratbert replies, "No offense taken."
Dilbert says to a witch, "No! You can't force me to work in accounting! I'm an engineer!" The witch replies, "It's too late . . ." The witch explains, "You came . . . You breathed the air . . . The change is irreversible . . . Bradley will train you." Spikes grow out of Dilbert's back and he begins to turn into a troll. Dilbert says, "I'm starting to get a bad attitude about this job . . ." Bradley the Troll replies, "Good. I can skip that part of the training."
Dogbert holds a sign that says "Fur is Murder." Dogbert asks a woman in a fur coat, "How can you live with yourself? Have you no conscience?" The woman replies, "Oh, big deal . . . A bunch of minks get bad haircuts and I get a warm coat . . . I'll bet you'd make a nice pair of mittens." Dogbert says as he walks away, "I don't think I reached her."
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "It's NOT a stupid idea." Dilbert explains, "You see, people who don't own cars are missing out on the prestige of using car phones." Dilbert has turned a phone booth on its side and added wheels, a steering wheel and a drivers seat. Dilbert continues, "The car-phonebooth is a natural solution . . . Granted, it uses a lot of coins." Dogbert walks away.
Dilbert arrives at home carrying a bag full of tools. Bob the Dinosaur says, "Looks like another shopping binge at the hardware store." Dilbert replies, "I couldn't resist." Dilbert takes a drill out of the bag and says, "Gee, Bob, what did dinosaurs do before tools were invented?" Bob replies, "It was hard . . ." Bob continues, "Sometime, you should try to tighten a Phillips screw with a fern." Dilbert replies, "That's no way to live."