Financial Problems Comic Strips - Page 17

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253 Results for Financial Problems

View 161 - 170 results for financial problems comic strips. Discover the best "Financial Problems" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tv news, #financial report, #tv show, #cable news show, #Dogbert, #gold fillings, #remove your own

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News anchor: My next guest on money - n- stuff is Dogbert the doomsday pundit, DOgbert: Goldman Sachs is forming a Hobo army to take over the world. Start hoarding anything with a pointy end. DOW 975 DOgbert: Hobo army coming. News Anchor: after the break, learn how to remove your own gold fillings,

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #thinking, #worry, #no probelms, #insane, #universe, #nail waiting for hammer, #pre frontal cortex, #anticipation, #too smooth, #mysteriously calm, #uncomforatbale

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Dilbert: I'm worried because I don't seem to have any problems today. Wally: Uh-oh. Dilbert: That either means I'm insane or the universe is saving up something big. Wally: Or both. Dilbert: I feel like a nail waiting to get hammered. Wally: The pre-frontal cortex is overrated.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #tech support, #ticket window, #evaluated, #how helpful, #trouble tickets, #stubborness, #obsticle, #financial success, #disconnected, #new stranger, #hating

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Tech Support: Hello, this is tech support. May I close your ticket now? Dilbert: Um... no. You haven't helped me yet. I just called you. Tech Support: I'm not evaluated on how helpful I am. I'm evaluated on how many trouble tickets I close. Your stubbornness is becoming an obstacle to my financial success. By the way, if our call gets disconnected, I count that as a closed ticket. Dilbert: I'll make it quick. Tech Support: What? What? I can't hear you. Dilbert: Son of a beach ball! On the plus side, my goal of hating one new stranger every day is right on track.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #exit strategy, #serial talker, #infinite unrelated, #engineers

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Boss: Talk to Allen about this. Dilbert: I'll need an exit strategy. He's a serial talker. I'll be trapped for hours while he strings together infinite, unrelated stories. Boss: Engineers have weird problems. Dilbert: What could I eat that would make me puke in ten minutes?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #meetings, #new team, #company change startegy, #meetings turn awkward

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CEO: My new executive team got together and figured out the source of all of our problems. Dilbert: Is the problem that the executive team keeps changing, and that means the company strategy keeps changing? Wally: Is the problem that all of our meetings turn awkward?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #executives, #poor persons, #ceo morality test, #new tech, #fracking, #grinding porr people, #high pressure, #shale

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Dogbert: Imagine I invented a new technology for fracking. It involves grinding poor people into a slurry and pumping it into shale at high pressure. Do you see any problems with that? CEO: Not enough shale! CEO Morality Test

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coffee & tea, #exhaustion / tiredness, #sploosh

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Coworker: I'm so tired today. Wally: Sorry. I get excited when people have problems that I know how to solve.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #worms, #bad apple, #ruining everyone, #walk it off, #contagious

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Dilbert: The bad apple you hired is ruining the rest of us. Boss: Just walk it off, you big baby. I want solutions, not problems. Ouch! Stupid bad apple! Dilbert: Walk it off.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meetings, #questioning, #stand ups, #no chairs, #more focused, #loosening dress code, #pants and chairs

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Boss: Starting next week, our meetings will be "stand-ups" with no chairs, so we'll be more focused. Dilbert: So you examined all of the problems in the company and decided the root cause was chairs? Boss: We're also loosening the dress code. Dilbert: So our problems are chairs and pants?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #work ethic, #workplace happiness, #direct deposit, #mental distance, #effort, #paycheck, #no clear goal, #doing good work, #job satisafaction, #stress related problems, #highly demotivated, #psychology

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Asok: Wally, what is the key to workplace happiness? Wally: Well, Asok, it all starts with direct deposit. You want to keep some mental distance between your effort and your paycheck. Next, you want to work on projects that have no clear goals or deadlines. Coworker: Hey, Wally, can you... Wally: No, I'm too busy doing various things. Asok: What about the satisfaction of doing good work? Wally: Job satisfaction is what people feel right before they die from stress-related problems. Asok: I feel highly demotivated right now. Wally: You are very welcome.