Necklace Computer Comic Strips - Page 17
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Dilbert sits at his computer and Antina appears in the door of his cubicle. Antina is muscular, has short hair and is wearing a tie and a skirt. She says, "Hi, I'm Antina the Non-stereotypical Woman." Antina observes, "That computer monitor you're using is supposed to be 17 inches, but it's more like 16.5 inches." She continues, "I took the coffee machine apart just for fun - want to see?"
Dilbert stands on a book on a chair and works at a computer. He tells Dilbert, "I call my new operating system the 'Dogbert 2000.'" Dogbert continues, "Soon I will dominate the entire PC industry! Heh-heh . . ." Dilbert looks at the monitor and says, "It looks like 'Windows 95.'" Dogbert replies, "I use some of the same graphic metaphors, but I pronounce them differently." Dilbert asks, "How do you pronounce the 'Microsoft' logo?"
Dogbert sits at a table with a client and says, "If you plan to remain in the computer business you'd better bundle the 'Dogbert 2000' operating system with every unit you sell." Dogbert continues, "Otherwise, after I dominate the market you'll be last on my list to receive new products!" The man says, "You remind me of somebody . . ." Dogbert responds, "It's the glasses, isn't it?"
The caption says, "Dogbert meets with software developers." Dogbert sits at a table with a laptop that is hooked up to an overhead projector. Dogbert says, "Note the huge market for software that runs on the 'Dogbert 2000' operating system." Dogbert reaches into a bag and says, "But who cares? The important thing is that I brought a bag of toys." As the software developers play with the toys, Dogbert thinks, "Some say the computer industry is built on silicon. I think foam and plastic are equally important."
Dilbert sits at his computer and Dogbert looks over his shoulder. Dilbert says, "I'm inventing a new technology to prevent kids from seeing smut on the Internet." Dogbert says, "So you're pitting your intelligence against the collective sex drive of all the teenagers who own computers?" Dilbert asks, "What is your point?" Dogbert replies, "Did you know that if you put a little hat on a snowball it can last a long time in hell?"
The Boss says to Dilbert, "I moved our software development work to the impoverished nation of Elbonia." The Boss continues, "I'm brilliant. They write high-quality code for six cents a day! There's no risk!" Dilbert thinks, "Red alert!" In Elbonia, an Elbonian wearing a box on his head says, "Tomorrow, YOU be the computer." Another Elbonian stands in front of him pretending to type on a keyboard.
Dilbert stands next to a table covered with a tablecloth. A computer monitor sits on the table. Dilbert says, "We had to cut some corners to get the demo ready this soon." Wally's head pops up into the monitor. Dilbert explains, "Wally is under the table. He'll pretend to be the 3-D interface that we could build if we weren't doing useless demos." The Boss says, "He's a little fuzzy. Can you adjust it?" Dilbert hands him an electric shaver and says, "Try the electric shaver."
Dilbert stands in front of a table with a computer monitor on it. Wally is under the table pretending to be a 3-D interface. The Boss says to Dilbert nervously, "Our new VP is coming. Is the demo of our holographic interface ready?" Dilbert says, "Everything should be fine . . . Unless we're suddenly visited by the dark angel of product demos . . ." Phil appears inside the monitor next to Wally and says, "Hello-o-o, Wally. Did somebody say 'demo?'" Wally looks shocked. Dilbert says to the new VP, "I'm Dilbert; loyal peon."
The Boss says to Alice, Wally and Dilbert, "It's my honor to present this special bonus check to Barry." Alice turns to the man next to her and says, "That's you." The man stares straight ahead as he replies, "MY name is Barry??" The Boss says, "This is for working hundreds of hours of overtime." The Boss continues, "While you quitters were going home by 9 pm every night . . ." The Boss continues, "Barry remained at work staring at his computer for hours." Barry eats the bonus check. The Boss continues, "It's important to recognize extra effort." The Boss continues, "Sadly, that's the end of the special bonus budget for the year." Barry burps. Wally says, "In retrospect, I shouldn't have told Barry that his screen saver is an epic miniseries." Dilbert and Alice glare at him.
Dilbert walks into the office building carrying a laptop computer in a case. A security guard with a huge head says to Dilbert, "Halt and submit to the mind scan of 'Brainitor, the Guardian of Security.'" Brainitor closes his eyes, puts his hands on his head and says, "The bag contains one computer . . . 'Pentium' processor . . . one gig hard drive . . . highly fragmented . . ." Brainitor continues, "Please wait while I optimize your hard disk . . ." Dilbert says, "This is vaguely unsettling."