Raise Comic Strips - Page 17

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

202 Results for Raise

View 161 - 170 results for raise comic strips. Discover the best "Raise" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags illusion, strategy, business, executives, bluff, bluffing

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Revenue is dropping, but don't panic. We have a new strategy that will fix everything. Dilbert: How do you know it's a good strategy. CEO: I can tell by looking at it. Dilbert: Why don't all failing companies create great new strategies and become profitable? CEO: Hmmm. Good question. Dilbert: Maybe it's because no one can tell a good strategy from a bad one, but acting like you know the difference gets you a bigger paycheck. CEO: I just need buy-in for the strategy. Wally: If you give me a raise, I can pretend to know it's good.

It's Easier If We Don't Try To Link Performance And Outcomes

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
It's Easier If We Don't Try To Link Performance And Outcomes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags performance, reward, consequences, consequence, result, outcome, logic, reasoning, laziness, work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: So don't let that happen again. Dilbert: It wasn't my fault and you know it. Boss: It's easier if we don't try to link performance and outcomes. Dilbert: I'll try. It was hard at first, but now I'm totally stress-free. Wally: I just got a 30% raise.

Asok Negotiates With Boss

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Negotiates With Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags compensation, haggle, money, negotiating, negotiation, obliviousness, salary, trick, eric scott

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I demand a ten-million-dollar raise! Boss: Nice try! Every idiot knows that's your opening offer to set an anchor. Asok: I will settle for half of it. Boss: You'll take 30 percent of that, and not a penny more!

Boss Is Bad Negotiator

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Is Bad Negotiator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags haggle, money, negotation, negotiating, raise, salary, trick, eric scott

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I just learned that our boss is a bad negotiator. Wally: How bad? Asok: I just negotiated a 3.3-million-dollar raise for myself. And I want 80 percent of the raises you two get because I told you. Dilbert and Wally: 75 percent is our final offer!

Asok Is The Only Good Negotiator

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Is The Only Good Negotiator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags accuse, eric scott, haggle, lable, money, negotiating, negotiation, racism, racist, raise, guest artist

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Did you both negotiate huge raises with our boss the way I did? Dilbert and Wally: No. Dilbert: Apparently, you're the only good negotiator in the department. Asok: Are you being racist? Dilbert: I will give you $1,000 to never say that about me again.

Entitled Employee Buys A Car

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Entitled Employee Buys A Car - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags entitled, entitlement, millennials, work ethic, lazy, consumerism

View Transcript

Transcript

The Entitled Employee. Man: I need a raise because I bought a luxury car. Boss: Your pay is based on your performance, not your personal expenses. Man: You leave me no choice but to keep the car and not pay for it. Boss: Tell them you deserve it.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags logic, false logic, imagination, managers, review, performance

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can't give you a raise because your performance was only average. Dilbert: How can you calculate an average for my performance? No one has ever been in my exact situation. Boss: I compared you to other employees. Dilbert: You compared me to strangers doing entirely different things? Boss: No, I compared you to imaginary people doing your exact job. It's called managing, and I'm very good at it. Dilbert: How do you know you're good at it? Boss: Because imaginary people do this job worse than I do.

Presidential Role Model

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Presidential Role Model - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags role model, example, election, candidate, logic

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We need a president who can be a good role model for my kids. Dilbert: That will come in handy if your kids want to raise your taxes or veto a transportation bill. Boss: Why do I talk to you? Dilbert: I assume you do it to gain wisdom.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sarcasm, obliviousness, future, psychic

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do these cost estimates include everything? Dilbert: Yes, because I know what happens in the future. I didn't think I could accurately predict the future until you trusted me to put this budget together. I thought there were too many variables to know how things will turn out. But I defer to your superior opinion. Wait... I'm getting another message from the future. It says to raise the software budget by nine dollars. Boss: Okay, that sounds right. Dilbert: Of course it does. Trust your instincts.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags wages, cost of living, raise, money, rent, apartment, roommate, space

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I need a raise because the cost of living around here is too high. Boss: Stop being greedy. I pay you plenty. Asok: I can't even afford to rent an apartment. Boss: Get some roommates. Asok: I can't afford that either. I've been sleeping on a baby changing table in a public restroom. And the janitor has been charging me $3,000 per month for that. Boss: How wide is the baby changing table? Asok: Not wide enough for a roommate. Boss: Well, I'm out of ideas.