Stock Market Comic Strips - Page 17
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266 Results for Stock Market
View 161 - 170 results for stock market comic strips. Discover the best "Stock Market" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday October 16,
2005
Tags take the chair, don't sell chairs, sell hope, hope of chairs, ship in 2 months, call and yell, buy a chair
Transcript
SALE "I'll take that chair." "Excellent choice." "Now sit there quietly and try not to ask the one question that will kill this sale." "Is the chair in stock?" "GAAA!!!" "The truth is that we don't sell chairs at all. We sell the hope that a chair will someday be made for you." "How long will that take?" "If I could answer that question, it would be the same as selling you an actual chair." "How about if I tell you it will ship in two months, and you call and yell at me every three months for eternity?" "Did you buy a chair?" "There's no way to know."
Sunday December 11,
2005
Tags billion dollar line, design, ecstatic, massive design flaws, press release, proper incenives, stock options, underwater
Transcript
"I told our CEO that the design would be done in a month. He's ecstatic!" "That would be good except that I told you it won't be done for six months." "Ooh." "So, I guess you'll have to tell him." "It's too late." "He's already issued a press release. You'll have to finish the design in a month." "The only way to do it in a month is to accept massive design flaws that will destroy a billion dollar line of business." "That's okay. My stock options are so underwater that it won't make any difference." "I'll just blame all of the problems on the Chinese company that manufactures our products." "Ultimately, it's the CEO's fault for failing to give me proper incentives."
Thursday April 27,
2006
Saturday September 16,
2006
Sunday October 01,
2006
Transcript
"According to my benchmark tests, our product is the worst one on the market." "Maybe you can tweak the numbers." "Fake them?" "Fake is such an ugly word." "Just remember that your next raise depends on the sales of that product." "And mistakes happen. A decimal place can be either here or there." "All I'm asking is that you do the tests again...while drinking." "I always wondered what job satisfaction felt like."
Friday November 03,
2006
Thursday November 23,
2006
Friday February 23,
2007
Tags pr campaign, stock price, grossly inflated, buy companies, make money, manage companies
Transcript
Dogbert: Thanks to my P.R. campaign, your stock price is grossly over-inflated." "Now you can use your stock to buy companies that actually make money." "After you manage those companies into the toilet, give me a jingle."
Wednesday March 14,
2007
Tags Advice, finances, money, obliviousness
Transcript
Financial Advisor Man: You've made a lot of money as a demotivational speaker. I recommend allocating 2% of it to me, and 98% to things that sound good if you don't look into them too closely. How about a managed stock fund with high churn and a big front-end load? Wally: Sounds good.
Monday June 04,
2007
Tags factory, elbonia, stock swap, reached agreement, rebels, company value, terrorits, indirectly
Transcript
Dilbert: "I reached an agreement with the rebels so they won't attack our factory in Elbonia." "It's a stock swap. Every time they collect a ransom, the value of our company will increase." The Boss: "Doesn't that make us terrorists?" Dilbert: "Very indirectly."


