Take Off Jacket Comic Strips - Page 17
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Dogbert and Ratbert sit on the hassock. Dogbert asks, "Ratbert, did you know that your brain automatically coordinates millions of activities every second?" Dogbert says, "Imagine if it got just a little bit confused - all those neurons firing randomly . . ." Ratbert waves his arms and legs uncontrollably. Dogbert says, "You don't add much to a conversation, but you're easily the best listener I've ever met." Ratbert screams as he falls off the hassock.
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss, Alice and Wally. Dilbert says, "I boosted the power on the pointer pen light so it's easier to see on the wall." Dilbert says, "Look how strong it is now." Dilbert turns the pen on. The beam from the pen burns the hair off the tops of the Boss's and Alice's heads. The Boss says, "Let me see that. I've got a few things to point out." Alice says, "Next."
Dilbert and Dogbert walk through the park. Dogbert says, "I was thinking about how much I enjoy our conversations." Dogbert continues, "They're consistently witty and intellectually stimulating." Dogbert continues, "Then I realized that all of the witty and intellectually stimulating stuff comes from me." Dogbert continues, "Naturally I started wondering what was the point of even having you along." Dogbert continues, "Then I thought about lightning and how it always hits the tallest object." Dogbert continues, "So there IS a slight statistical advantage to having you nearby." A bolt of lightning strikes Dilbert and knocks him off his feet. Dilbert lies on the ground and says, "You aren't going to be witty now, are you?" Dogbert replies, "How can you say that? I'm shocked!"
Dogbert sits at his desk reading the newspaper. Dogbert says, "What?? The presidents of other companies make way more money than I do!!" Dogbert continues, "I'd better make some short-sighted cuts. That should raise our stock price and make my stock options worth millions." The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, ". . . All business trips are one-way from now on . . . And you're all required to take a trip this afternoon."
Wally says to Dilbert, "Hee hee! How many blondes does it take to change a tire?" Dilbert asks, "One?" Wally says, "No, thirty-seven to lift the car and one to pin the diaper on the tire!!" Wally laughs. Dilbert asks, "Couldn't they just use the jack?" Wally replies, "I wondered about that too."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert tells the waitress, ". . . And no onions." The waitress replies, "Very good, sir." Dilbert hands her the menu and says, "You didn't write it down. You aren't even intending to get it right." The server replies, "This way there's no incriminating paper trail . . . Just your word against mine." The waitress glares at Dilbert and says, "When you complain about getting the wrong meal I'll look at you like this." The waitress continues, "Then I'll roll my eyes, causing you to wonder whether you misspoke when you ordered." The waitress continues, "I'll offer to replace the meal but you know that will take forever and also come out wrong." The waitress laughs hysterically. The waitress asks Dogbert, "And for you?" Dogbert says, "Number five, hold the demonic hatred."
The Boos, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It's called karoshi." The Boss continues, "I don't want that to happen to anybody in my department." The Boss continues, "The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon."
The Boss reaches for the coffee pot and thinks, "I'm the Boss. I can take the last bit of coffee without making a new pot." The Boss yells, "Look at me!! I'm taking the last drop!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!" Dilbert says, "An actual human would feel guilt in this situation." The Boss says, "The pot needs washing."
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Matt is fresh out of engineering school. You'll be his mentor." The Boss continues, "Whatever you do, don't crush his spirit before Wednesday." Dilbert asks, "Why put it off so long?" The Boss replies, "Because I bet ten bucks we could string him along until Thursday."
Dilbert stands behind a broken desk chair and says into the phone, "My chair is broken. Can you send a new one from the warehouse?" A man at a desk replies, "No can do, my friend. All we have is chairs with deluxe armrests. They're only for managers who are one level higher than you." The man says, "What do I suggest? I dunno . . . Maybe take some classes at night. I'm sure you can get promoted eventually."