Asks Employee Comic Strips - Page 17

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Asks Employee

View 161 - 170 results for asks employee comic strips. Discover the best "Asks Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 2012's comic on:


Tags #eupemisims, #excretaed, #jargon, #rebalancing, #streamlining, #excreted

View Transcript

Transcript

Employee: Just give it to me straight. Skip all of your jargon and euphemisms. Don't tell me you're rebalancing or offboarding or streamlining. Just talk to me the way you'd talk to your spouse. Boss: Consider yourself excreted. Employee: Well, now I see why you use euphemisms.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 2012's comic on:


Tags #announcement, #economic value, #engineers, #google, #mergers & acquisitions, #modern day, #podium, #public speaking, #slave trader

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Google has offered to buy our company for $100 million just to get our engineers. I agreed to the deal because I'm a modern day slave trader who believes engineers are property and the rest of you have no economic value. Who wrote my speech? Employee: Someone with no economic value.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 2012's comic on:


Tags #fee, #how the future works, #portfolio, #retirement planning, #understanding future

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert's retirement planning service Dogbert: My fee is 10% of your portfolio per year. Employee: Sounds reasonable. Dogbert: None of my clients understand how the future works.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 13, 2012's comic on:


Tags #public opinion, #feedback, #idea, #smart people

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: What feedback have other people given you on your idea? Dilbert: Smart people like it. Everyone else asks me what other people think.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #employee parking, #inconvenience, #by design, #personal errands, #intention suffering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The employee parking situation is terrible. I had to park a mile away. Catbert: That's by design. The inconvenience removes your temptation to run personal errands during the day. Dilbert: You're intentionally making my life more difficult? Catbert: What do you think management is?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 2012's comic on:


Tags #calendars, #desk, #meails, #meetings, #padtes, #schdeules, #secretary, #coordinates

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I want you to work from home for two days per week to reduce our carbon footprint. Employee: Nooooo! My wife and three small children are in that house. They're always mean to me. Boss: How bad could it be? Employee: Let me put it this way: I'm sitting in an egg carton and talking to a moron, and this is better.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 09, 2012's comic on:


Tags #Family, #work from home, #2 days err week, #reduce carbon foorprint, #wife, #small children, #egg carton, #talking to moron, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I want you to work from home for two days per week to reduce our carbon footprint. Employee: Nooooo! My wife and three small children are in that house. They're always mean to me. Boss: How bad could it be? Employee: Let me put it this way: I'm sitting in an egg carton and talking to a moron, and this is better.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 07, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #agreements, #deals, #existence, #empire, #seem larger, #paycheck, #fair plan, #awful world, #balckmail, #boss, #employee

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: IF you agree to give me no work, I will agree to not sue you with some sort of bogus employee claim. My existence will make your empire seem larger, and stockholders will get stuck with the bill for my paycheck. Boss: Why does that seem like a fair plan? Wally: We live in an awful world.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 2012's comic on:


Tags #ineffective, #nemesis, #physics of work, #quarreling

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My old nemesis retired, so I asked Randy to take over that function because he's ineffective at everything he does. Coworker: Huh? Dilbert: The physics of work required that each employee be matched with an anti-employee called a nemesis. Coworker: I don't know who my nemesis is. Wally: Uh-oh. You got a hider. They're the worst.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 22, 2012's comic on:


Tags #internet & world wide web, #research, #believe internet, #roll eyes, #ignorance, #science

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: According to my research on the internet, Plan B will work best. Boss: I'm rolling my eyes because you believe everything you read on the internet. Dilbert: I should take a picture in case someone ever asks me if ignorance has a tell.