Health Insurance Comic Strips - Page 17

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224 Results for Health Insurance

View 161 - 170 results for health insurance comic strips. Discover the best "Health Insurance" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags regular goals, stretch goals, sacrifice health, personal life, criminal conduct, bonus, salaries below budget, ultra stretchy, employee rights, taken advantage, cheat employee

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"Here are your regular goals and here are your stretch goals." "What's the difference?" "The regular goals can be achieved by sacrificing health and your personal life." "The stretch goals require all of that plus some sort of criminal conduct." "I'm guessing that your boss gave uou the regular goals and you came up with the stretch goals on your own." "That way, When I achieve the regular goals you'll get a raise because I missed the stretch goals." "Then you'll get a bouns for salaries below budget." "Maybe we should talk about the ultra-stretch goals later."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags revenue, people killed by product, health risks, kills people

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The Boss: "Our revenue is now double the number of people that our product has killed recently." Asok: "Our product costs $80. Are you saying that each one kills 40 people?" The Boss: "Our customers know the health risks, so technically they're killing themselves." Group: "So technically we aren't scum?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags energy, million dollar salary, secreatry, shareholder meeting, spank, stock options, turned ugly, beat up, bandages, health

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CEO: The shareholder meeting turned ugly when I said we used all the profits to give ourselves stock options. They don't understand that I wouldn't work as hard if all I got was my million dollar case salary. Id barely have the energy ti spans my secretary. The boss: Too much info

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags outsourcing, satellite, pig, insurance company, tease pig, kicks, risk, sledgehammer, animals

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The Boss: we're outsourcing our satellite launch program to Elbonia. We built the billion dollar satellite here: the Elbonians will put it into orbit. Dilbert I want you yo be our liaison. AAAAAGH!!!! The Boss: Thats our insurance company. They've been jumpy lately. In ELbonia Our plan is to tease a pig until he kicks the satellite into orbit. The risk is that our pig might prefer fisticuff. sledgehammer! abort! abort! Dilbert: It was hallow. The boss: don't mention that to our insurance company.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags credit reporting company, data, death, debilitating, health problems, low cost provider, ruined lives, medical

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Dogbert: Im starting a credit reporting company. I'll be the low cost provider because all of my data will be wrong, Dilbert: what will you do when people call and complain that you ruined their lives? Dogbert: I'll put them on hold until their frustration turn into debilitating health problems. Their last words will be AAAGH!!!! I only wanted to buy a minivan! Death will accomplish what customer service could not. Dilbert: Im just curious: Do you have nay qualms about your business plan? any at all? Dogbert: Im not sure. do qualms make you wag?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags airplane, flight, seats, no room, sleep, six hour flight, recline seat, sleeper, health

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Dilbert: Six - hour flight. I can get lots of work done, Six hour flight. I can get lost of sleep. Dilbert: I can't feel my hands!!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags fist of death, foot of death, doctor, exam room, dont use, Advice, health, carpal syndrome, medical

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Doctor: You've got a bad case of carpal punchel syndrome. Doctor: Don't use your "fist of death" for a few weeks. Alice: GAAA!!! Wally: the "Foot of death" is not the same. Asok: It is only slightly menacing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags protective employees, question, resoning, fox, chickens, across river, rowboat, eat chickens, livestock insurance, blame the fox, barbecue chickens

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The Boss: "I ask all prospective employees this question to test their reasoning." "You have one fox and two chickens that you need to get across a river. You can only take one at a time in the rowboat. The fox will eat the chickens if left alone." "I'd buy livestock insurance, then barbecue the chickens and blame the fox." Boss: "Can you start today?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags project manager, direct natural talent, energy, common goal, agenda, copies of agenda, health

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wally: "I've never been a project manager before." "I understand I'm supposed to direct your natural talents and energies toward a common goal." Wally: "Carol, did you make copies of the agenda?" Carol: "No, it sounded hard."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags life insurance, exclusions, self inflicted wounds, re existing illness, criminal acts, war, quilting bees

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Dilbert is sitting on the couch at home. Dogbert hands him a pamphlet and says, "Would you like to buy some life insurance?" Dilbert reads the pamphlet, "Exclusions: Self-inflicted wounds, pre-existing illness, criminal acts, war, dangerous sports, smoking..." Headline: Much later that day. Dilbert is still reading, "...And pistol duels resulting from quilting bees." Dogbert replies, "No one reads it, freak!"