Help! Help! Comic Strips - Page 17

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View 161 - 170 results for help! help! comic strips. Discover the best "Help! Help!" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #review, #criticism, #ridicule, #nervous, #frustration, #useless

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Alice says, "It's funny that you're evaluating me." Alice says, "Because I understand how to do your job, but you have no idea how to do my job." Alice says, "For example, right now you're going to say something that doesn't help the stockholders."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ridiculous, #waste, #time, #pointing, #useless, #stupidity

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Man says, "Someone borrowed the unit you asked to see, so I'll show you pictures of models you aren't interested in." Man says, "There's one you don't want?And you sure don't want that one?" Dilbert says, "And how does this help?" Man says, "Would you like a CD of products we no longer carry?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #guilt, #excuse, #lie, #work, #avoiding, #acting

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Wally says, "The successful work - avoider combines a fake eagerness to help with just a hint of likely failure." Man says, "Wally, I need load calcs in an hour." Wally says, "No problem! Unless my computer keeps crashing like it did all morning." Man says, "I'll ask someone else." Wally says, "I am begging you to let me help!" Asok thinks, "Wow!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office, #Environment, #confronting, #perception, #hot, #complaining

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Dilbert says, "We replaced our styrofoam cups with paper cups, but it's not so clear that it helps the planet." The boss says, "We didn?t do it to help the planet. We did it to look like the sort of company that cares about that sort of thing." DIlbert says, "Oh. In that case it's working great." The boss says, "As soon as you stop whining."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #carrying, #downsizing, #cruel, #dying, #walking, #Sports

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Catbert says, "We can save the most money by downsizing the unhealthiest workers first." The boss says, "How do we know who they are?" Catbert says, "We'll close the parking lot that's nearest the building." Asok says, "Should we help them?" Wally says, "It's too late for broccoli."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustrated, #angry, #cruel, #mean, #complaining

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "Being evil used to mean something." Catbert says, "These days I can cut salaries by 10% and people will thank me for not firing them!" The boss says, "So you want to help me eat employee lunches from the break room fridge?" Catbert says, "I'd like that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #help, #Advice, #fear, #thinking, #role model

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Dilbert says, "I have no project. Do you need any help with yours?" Asok says, "No. If I finish my project too soon, I might become like you." Dilbert says, "Can you make a different face when you imagine being like me?" Asok says, "I'm trying but I can't."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #help, #meeting, #injury, #violence, #business

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Dilbert says, "I have no project of my own, so I wander the cubicles offering unsolicited advice." Dilbert says, "Speaking of which, you should put a little extra thought into your cooling system design. It looks monkey-made." Dilbert says, "I'm discovering that honest and helpful are a bad combination."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #help, #Advice, #work, #fear, #job, #business

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Dilbert says, "In my spare time I came up with an idea for your project." Ted says, "Your idea is so good that it makes all the work I did for the past year a miserable mistake." Dilbert says, "You're welcome." Ted says, "I can't let you leave this cubicle alive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robots went bad, #murderous ramapage, #unfahionable, #overpaid, #robots, #fist of death, #stuck

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The Boss says, "Our robots went bad. They're on a murderous rampage." Dogbert says, "I'll take care of it." Dogbert says, "Hey, Alice. Guess who says your hair is unfashionable and you're overpaid? Robots." Alice says, "Little help, please. My fist of death is stuck."