Insulting Answer Comic Strips - Page 17
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Alice sits next to Dilbert and Wally at a conference table. She says, "I'm meeting a vendor for drinks tonight. He says it's the only time he has to answer my questions." Dilbert turns to Alice and says, "If that works, please let us know." Alice replies, "What do you mean 'works'? And who is 'us'?" Wally exclaims, "It's already working!"
MANAGEMENT TRAINING: Dogbert says to Alice and the rest of the Management Training class, "What would you do if you made a huge, incredibly stupid mistake?" A man sitting next to Alice in the class raises his hand and says, "I would try to learn from it." Dogbert asks, "Did you learn anything from your answer?"
Tina says to the group, "Welcome to workplace violence prevention training." Tina continues, "How can we identify potentially violent employees?" Wally raises his hand excitedly yelling, "Ooh! Ooh!" Tina says, "Wally?" Wally answers, "Do they have beards?" Tina replies, "Um...no. That was a stupid answer." Tina says, "Violent employees are usually creepy, inefficiently males who are widely disrespected." Dilbert raises his hand and asks Tina, "May I change seats?"
Dilbert sits at the Boss' desk in his office and the Boss says to him, "Fly to Austin and answer some questions for a big customer." Dilbert asks, "Doesn't this customer have a telephone?" The Boss replies in shock as he thrusts his arms out to the side. "You don't call big customers!" Obviously confused, Dilbert aks "Um...why not?" In an exasperated voice, The Boss replies "You have to go in person to show that you care." Still not catching on, Dilbert replies "Actually, that would show that I didn't understand the concept of the telephone.? Now completely disgusted, The Boss replies "Just go." Dilbert is now sitting at a table with Ted who holds a phone in his hand and asks, "Do they have these where you come from?"
Dilbert tells the Boss as he hands him a document: "I did the analysis using your bad assumptions." He continues as the Boss examines the document: "Then I applied your flawed logic and arrived at your predetermined answer." Dilbert asks the Boss: "Shall I begin disillusioning the team?" The Boss says about the document: "This needs a pie chart."
A strange-looking man with a tie that sticks-up in the air introduces himself to Dilbert who is sitting facing his computer. The man says: "My name is Paul Tergeist." Dilbert is attentively looking at his computer which displays an error message. Paul Tergeist continues: "I have a way with technology." Dilbert's computer crashes. The Boss appears and asks Dilbert: "Have you met your new lab partner?" Dilbert does not answer him, however, as he is staring with perplexity at his pen, which is suspended in mid-air before his eyes. Dilbert exclaims: "My pen is hovering!"
Tina faces Mordac who stands in front of a closed door. Mordac says, "Why do you seek Mordac - the preventer of information services?" Tina opens her purse and says, "I regret sending an insulting e-mail message to our CIO. I need to delete it from the server." Tina shoots at the door several times. Tina says, "The server was in that closet, right?" Mordac says, "That's the CIO's office."
Caption: "Dogbert Consults" Sogbert stands on the boss's desk. DOgbert says, "Eliminate phone support for your product. Provide help only via the internet." Dogbert's tail wags and he says, "Then discourage people by making them answer an ominous list of personal questions." Man looks terrified in front of his computer the computer screen reads, "1. What is your home address? 2. When do you shower?"
The boss comes up behind Wally who sits at his desk. The boss says, "Wally, I've been calling you for two hours! Why don't you answer your phone?" Wally says, "Is that a trick question?" The boss says, "Wally, unless your in a meeting.." The phone rings. Wally says, "Hold on. I'd better get this."
A Young Woman, Dennis, and Dilbert sit at the conference table. The young woman asks, "Are there any questions?" Dennis, the sadistic nut, yells, "Why does your body lotion smell like the rotting flest of a thousand dead camels?" The Young Woman turns to Wally and says, "I assume he has valuable skills." Wally tells her, "No, you're thinking of a prima donna."