Kill Him Comic Strips - Page 17

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

186 Results for Kill Him

View 161 - 170 results for kill him comic strips. Discover the best "Kill Him" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #office, #decide, #kill, #floyd, #budget, #manager, #lover, #killer

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the hassock. Dilbert says, "The guys in the office decided that somebody must kill Floyd the budget manager because he's so mean to us." Dilbert continues, "They want ME To kill him. But I can't do it. I'm a LOVER, not a killer." Dogbert replies, "Technically, you're neither." Dilbert asks, "Is that MY fault?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #straw, #loser, #kill, #abusive, #coworker, #floyd, #blue, #short, #murderer, #cheater

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted says to Dilbert and Wally, "Everybody pick a straw. The loser has to kill our abusive co-worker, Floyd." Ted says, "Dilbert loses. He picked the blue straw." Dilbert says, "I thought the SHORT straw loses." Ted replies, "You're already a murderer; don't be a cheater too."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #general, #government, #u.f.o., #encounters, #Lose, #faith, #aliens, #abducting, #people, #helpless, #maintain, #confidence, #taxes, #citizens

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert and a man in a military uniform sit at the table. Dogbert says, "General, I don't understand why the government is trying to cover up all the U.F.O. encounters." The General replies, "People would lose faith in their government if they knew aliens were abducting people and we were helpless to stop them." Dogbert says, "So, to maintain confidence in the government, you use our taxes to kill the citizens who find out?" The General asks, "Is that so bad?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #government, #general, #kill, #encounter, #space, #aliens, #governments, #track, #record, #budget, #cutbacks, #air, #support

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands next to a man in a military uniform. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "The government sent a General to kill me for talking about my encounter with space aliens." Dilbert continues, "I was scared at first, but when you think about the government's track record, well, my odds are pretty good . . ." Dilbert continues, "Especially after all the budget cutbacks." The General says into a walkie-talkie radio, "Dang it! Where's my air support?!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #photo, #proof, #completed, #hit-man, #contract, #Dilbert, #sitting, #lifeless, #stuffed, #chair, #looks, #watching, #technically, #kill, #prove, #life

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert hands a photograph to a man behind a desk and says, "Here is photo proof that I completed my hit-man contract on Dilbert." The man replies, "Excellent." Dogbert says, "Here he is, sitting lifeless in his stuffed chair." The man looks at the picture and says, "It looks like he's just watching television." Dogbert says, "Technically, my contract doesn't say I must kill him. It says I must 'prove he has no life.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #ginger, #date, #puppetitis, #rare, #disorder, #puppet, #weird

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "I haven't dated much since I came down with puppetitis." The woman continues, "It's a rare disorder that makes your hand act like a puppet." Dilbert replies, "That's weird." The woman moves her hand like a puppet and says, "He hates us! We must kill him!" The woman says to her hand, "Not yet, Ginger!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #brett, #hydrogen bomb, #kill, #people, #cool, #suggestion

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert and Brett walk toward each other on the sidewalk. Dogbert says to the little boy, "Hi, Brett. What do you have there?" Brett, who is pulling a wagon with a bomb on it, replies, "Hydrogen bomb!!" Dogbert says, "Be careful. You could kill people with that thing." Brett says, "Really? Cool!" Brett pushes the bomb and says, "That's a great suggestion!" Dogbert walks away saying, "I've done better . . ."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #lie, #detector, #flushed, #goldfish, #abe lincoln, #president, #mistakes

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert attaches wires to Dogbert's paws and head and says, "This lie detector will determine if you flushed my goldfish." Dilbert asks, "Name?" Dogbert answers, "Abe Lincoln." Dilbert asks, "Occupation?" Dogbert answers, "President." Dilbert asks, "Did you kill my fish?" Dogbert replies, "No." Dogbert says, "Lie detectors never make mistakes, do they?" Dilbert looks at the printout and says, "Uh . . . No, Mister President."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #author, #book, #signing, #autograph, #copy, #bobby mcnewton, #child star, #sixties, #leave it to beaver, #leveraging, #fame, #promote, #recipe, #walnuts, #milk, #pork, #pig, #corpse, #ghost writer

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert walks by a bookstore. A sign in the window says, "Book signing today." A man at a table asks, "Would you like an autographed copy?" Dogbert asks, "Who are you?" The author replies, "I'm Bobby McNewton, child-star from the Sixties. I once had a speaking part on 'Leave it to Beaver.'" Bobby continues, "I'm leveraging my fame to promote my recipe book." The book is titled "Bobby McNewton's Cooking With Walnuts." Dogbert opens the book and reads, "'Walnuts and Milk: Crush walnuts on table. Pour milk on walnuts. Serve cold.'" Dogbert reads, "'Walnuts and Pork: Kill a pig. Cook dead pig. Sprinkle walnuts on pig's corpse.'" Bobby says, "I used a ghost writer." Dogbert asks, "Was he a ghost before he ate your food?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #butterfly, #bug, #flying, #much, #now, #kill, #flatten, #becomes, #beautiful, #work, #art, #guts, #wings, #evenly, #spaced, #ants, #pants, #mother, #nature, #standing, #resist

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit in the bushes. Dilbert points and says, "Look! A beautiful Regency butterfly!" Dogbert says, "Beautiful?? It's a flying BUG." Dilbert says, "It may not seem like much now . . ." Dilbert continues, "But after we kill it, dip it in chemicals, and flatten it between glass, it becomes a beautiful work of art!" Dogbert asks, "Do we throw away the bug guts and just keep the wings?" Dilbert replies, "No. The guts keep the wings evenly spaced." Dilbert screams and yells, "Ants in my pants!!" He jumps out of the bushes. As Dilbert runs away, a woman comes out of the bushes. Dogbert says, "Mother Nature!" Mother Nature says, "He was standing right on an anthill. I couldn't resist."