Large Screen Smartphone Comic Strips - Page 17
203 Results for Large Screen Smartphone
View 161 - 170 results for large screen smartphone comic strips. Discover the best "Large Screen Smartphone" comics from Dilbert.com.
Liz sits at her computer and Dilbert looks over her shoulder. Liz says, "I built a spreadsheet to compare our relative qualities. I'm afraid I'm twenty percent too good for you. We must stop dating." Dilbert points at the screen and says, "NO! Look, Liz, you have the wrong formula in this column! That must mean I have higher math skills than you! We're almost even!" After Dilbert leaves, Liz sits at her computer and Dogbert sits on her printer. Dogbert says to Liz, "You left that error in there intentionally." Liz answers, "My last batch of flowers is wilting."
Dilbert sits in his cubicle. He asks Dogbert, "How could the Elbonians afford to buy this company? Their whole country is just mud." Dogbert imagines a television screen showing an Elbonian holding a container with the figure "$119.95" above him. Dogbert answers, "They packaged the mud and sold it as a cosmetic on the 'Couch Shopping Network.' They made trillions." Hugging his knees to his chest, Dilbert comments, "At least they know how to manage resources." Dogbert replies, "They sold their entire country in little jars. Most Elbonians perished in molten lava at the Earth's core."
The Boss stands next to an overhead projector. He points to the diagram on the screen and says, "We're taking away your individual cubicles. In the new system, you'll sign up for whatever cube is open that day." Sally and Wally are seated at a conference table. The Boss continues, "It's based on the model of public restrooms. But I call it 'Hoteling' because it increases my chances of getting tips." The Boss approaches Dilbert with a roll of note paper that looks like toilet paper and says, "Each cubicle will have a computer, a chair, and a roll of note paper . . . Take one and pass it around."
The caption says, "Dogbert teaches business math." Dogbert points to a diagram of an equation. A picture of Wally, Dilbert and Alice illustrates the equation, "Grunts equals zero." The caption says, "#1. Any job that can be done by two people . . ." The Boss stands behind two people. The caption continues, ". . . Can be done by one person for half the cost." The Boss yanks one of the workers out of his chair. The caption says, "#2. A bonus today is worth more than . . ." The Boss holds a large bag of money. The caption continues, ". . . The whole company tomorrow." An office building has a closed sign on it. The caption says, "#3. Your expense requirements for December can be calculated . . ." The Boss sits at his desk writing on a piece of paper. The caption continues, ". . . By taking what's left in the budget and multiplying by one." A delivery person asks the Boss, "Giraffe goes where?" Dogbert says, "Next week, a doctor with a flashlight shows us where sales projections come from."
Wally stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "This is just great . . . We engineers have old IBM 286 PCs and you have a Sparc workstation." Wally continues, "Correct me if I'm wrong, but the only thing you know how to do is stare at the screen saver." The Boss stares at the monitor and thinks, "How does that ball keep bouncing?" Wally says as he walks away, "If anybody needs me I'll be scrolling some text."
"Dogbert the Futurist" Dogbert: "Someday, keyboards will be replaced by motion-sensing rings on your fingers..." "The computer screen will be projected into your glasses as a 3-D image." - These developments will not enhance the image of technical professionals." Dilbert: "Are you an engineer?" Moron: "I'm a moron. Common mistake."
"As my dogumentary begins, we see the engineer hard at work." "Suddenly, he leaps into action! Years of training and experience come into focus!" "The screen saver has been deactivated. But doubt sets in...was there a better way?" "I should have moved the mouse."
Tags #45 inch screen, #communications staellite, #cure disease, #fish appear on screen, #great products, #marketing, #new product, #room freshener, #telepathic user, #whiten teeth, #time travel, #business
How Great Products are designed The Boss: Go talk to marketing. Dilbert: Groan Dilbert: Dave, tell me what marketing wants the new product to do. Dave: It has to have a 45 inch screen and still fit in a purse or a wallet. Dave: It needs to act as a communications satellite as well as a room fresher. Dilbert: uh... Dave: it must cure deadly diseases and whoyten your teeth while you sleep! HAHA! and it has to be capable of time travel!! and have a telepathic user interface! Slap! Dilbert: I could write a program that makes fish appear on the computer screen, DAVE: yeah a lot of people want that.
Dilbert: I joined the spotted chipmunk preservation society. We're going to tranquilize the last known male and unite it with a female. Wally: There he is! POW! THUNK! Wally: When you think about it, thats an awfully large dart to use on a chipmunk. woman: Its Dilberts turn to write the newsletter. Dogbert: Trust me, Humor is the way to go, It eases tension. Dilbert: Yeah, but the whole issue of dead chipmunk jokes?
Dilbert says to the Boss, "My chair is broken and the warehouse is out of 'engineer chairs.'" Dilbert continues, "And since I'm . . . You know . . . Empowered, I thought I might order a 'manager chair' for the time being." Dilbert asks, "I've over-stepped my authority, haven't I?" The Boss replies, "Next you'll want a screen door on your cubicle."